Leaving the USA: The Best Decision I Ever Made: Safety

#3 in the "Why I Left the US and Will Never Return" Series

Photo by Tom Roberts on Unsplash

Reason #1 was the high cost of living!

Reason #2 was the lack of healthcare!

Intro

In 2022, I made the life-changing decision to leave the United States and move to Europe—and I can confidently say it was the best choice I’ve ever made. I have no regrets, and no desire to return. My decision was driven by many factors, each of which played a significant role in shaping my new life abroad. This is #3 in a series of articles where I’ll dive deeper into those reasons and explore how they compare to my experiences living in Europe.

Safety

I’ve written a little about safety before, but I didn’t include it all in one article. First I want to make it clear that when I left the US, my two main reasons for leaving were the cost of living and safety. I didn’t realize one of the top issues was the lack of healthcare until I left and discovered that low-cost/affordable, preventative, not-for-profit healthcare actually exists in most other countries!

I NEVER felt safe in the US. EVER. And I was taught that was normal.

Past Safety Issues in the US

While I don’t want to go deeply into any of the issues I had in the US, I will say they’ve been bad. I’ve been accosted, victimized, stalked, raped, and molested and all of these things have happened to me not once, not twice, but multiple times.

The number of people I know who haven’t been the victim of a violent crime is significantly lower than the ones who have. I have friends who have been robbed at gunpoint and many people I know carry, or own guns for their protection.

In the US whenever I walked outside at night, no matter where I was, I carried pepper spray in one hand and an armed stun gun in the other. I thought this was normal. Did I have to use them? I had to press the “zap” button on that stun gun multiple times. I wore a necklace with a gps tracker and a button the would notify friends and family if pressed and had an app open on my phone that would call the local police if pressed. Overkill? I don’t believe so.

When I owned a community acupuncture clinic in a small town in Northern California I had to call the police regularly as I was threatened in my own place of business on many occasions. The only solution the police could suggest was that I buy and carry a firearm of my own. When I lived in this small town, for two years I had a drug addicted, mentally disturbed upstairs neighbor that, among other very dangerous behavior, stole my packages regularly. The police refused to do anything for fear of being sued.

Now I ask, is this a healthy way to live?

I thought it was the only way to live—until I left the United States.

Traveling

I’ve been traveling solo for twenty-five years and other than one instance where I was being targeted to be robbed, I haven’t had an issue. I felt safer traveling alone throughout the world than I felt being in a group of people in the US. I say this because one time I was out with a group of friends close to my apartment in San Francisco. A large, white man walked up to me, grabbed me by the the back of my neck, leaned down and whispered into my ear “I know you’re here with all your friends but I could make you disappear right this second and no one would ever find your body”. Not one of my friends or even my husband saw him do it.

I know bad things happen to people all over the world, I’m not naive but…

Safety Ratings World Wide

I was curious so I looked it up. The US rates at #129 of 163 countries in terms of overall safety. Seven of the ten safest countries in the world are in Europe.

Portugal

As mentioned, one of the main reasons I chose Portugal is because at the time I moved here it was rated as the third safest country in the world. If you’re wondering, Iceland is number one.

When I first arrived and a car would drive next to me as I was walking down the sidewalk—it’s important to note that the sidewalks are not nearly as wide in Europe—I would jump against the side of a building and scream. I’m not exaggerating. I assumed someone was pulling over to kidnap or rob me. For the first year I lived in Portugal, I carried my stun gun when walking at night.

And now? For the first time in my entire life, or since I was a child with no idea how the world worked, I am not scared for my life every single day. I am no longer scared to walk alone at night. Near my house there are often families out walking at midnight, it’s normal here and even more so in Spain.

The other night I had an interesting incident. I was walking my dog at 11pm because that’s when I returned from dinner. A car stopped in the middle of the street and the guy rolled down his window.

“Hello, what’s your name?” he asked me.

I thought maybe he thought he knew me. Regardless, I wasn’t the least bit afraid. I responded. He introduced himself and asked if I lived close by. If this happened in the US, I would have run—fast! I would have known the person wanted to harm me in some way. But here, I didn’t think anything of it. Another guy pulled up next to him and rolled down his windows and introduced himself to both of us. They remarked at how cute my dog was, told me to have a great night, waved, and took off in opposite directions.

They were not trying to scare me or hurt me or gather more information to hurt me later. They were just being friendly, and it’s quite possible they may have been drunk.

Being Unsafe in the U.S. is Normalized

One of my favorite examples of how normalized feeling unsafe in the US is happened when I attended a class through Alison Armstrong’s school “Understanding Men” which is quite amazing but also quite pricy. They offered one class in the curriculum called “Understanding Women” where we were encouraged to bring our partner, especially if they were male. I had a long term male partner at the time and brought him.

At the very beginning of the class the teacher asked everyone, “how many women here have felt unsafe, like your life was truly in danger in the past month?”

Every female identified person raised their hands.

She said, “men, please look around the room.” They did.

Then the teacher said, “how many women have felt unsafe in the past week?” We all raised our hands. The men looked around.

“How many have felt unsafe in the last 24 hours?” Again we all raised our hands. The men looked around.

“How many felt unsafe this morning?” All hands were raised once more.

The men looked around and my boyfriend turned to me with wide eyes and asked, “is this true?”

I assured him it was. He was shocked.

As a female both bio and identified, this is the world I lived in. I was always on guard because I had to to be. But also, it was the norm. It’s how I grew up and I truly didn’t know life could be different elsewhere.

It’s not my goal to alienate men with this article, I know plenty of men who don’t feel safe in the US. However, I can only speak from my perspective and experiences as a woman. And living as a woman in the US was being scared all of the time, always looking around, having to be aware of every situation and carrying weapons when walking alone outside after dark.

Conclusion

Living in the United States taught me to accept fear and constant vigilance as a normal part of life. I didn’t know any other way until I left. Experiencing safety in Portugal has been life-changing—it’s allowed me to relax in ways I never thought possible. For the first time, I’m not constantly looking over my shoulder or bracing for danger. That shift has given me a new perspective on what it means to truly live, and I hope sharing my story will encourage others to consider how normalized fear impacts their lives as well and how you don’t have to live that way. You too can leave.

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If you’re interested in my “Why I Left the US and Won’t Ever Return” Series, please check out..

1. Cost of living: Article here

2. Healthcare (or lack thereof) here.

3. Safety—the one you just read!

4. Community

5. Values

6. Polarization—too much hate and anger

If you’re considering a move out of your home country, please check out my free “Live Abroad” series, as well as my super affordable class.

I’m open for consultations/coaching. Schedule a free 15 minute call with me to see if I can help with your move abroad!

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• Scheduling: 15 minute free call and more.

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• Part 1—Want to move abroad? Start here!

• Part 2—Conquer your fears about moving abroad!

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Other Popular Articles/Podcast Episodes:

• Travel Hacking: What and How!

• Values: Differences Between Portugal and the US—Part Four.

• Inside the Homes: Differences Between Portugal and the US—Part One.

• Sidewalks, Zebra Crossings, Smells and More: Differences Between Portugal and the US—Part Two.

• Safety: Differences Between Portugal and the US—Part Three.

• First Six Months of Living Abroad

• How/Why I Ended up in Portugal

• Living Abroad After Two Years

• Archive of all my Articles and Podcast Episodes

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—Expat on a Budget AKA Living Abroad on a Budget and My Unknown Adventure by Kimberly Anne

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