This is so eye-opening for me as a Brit in Porto with a number of American friends who are not at all as you describe - and this helps me understand why they too left the US and to a person say how happy they are to be here. I guess it just underlines the old ‘horses for courses’ idea, and while Portugal offers a home to many, it will also not suit so many others. And that’s also fine!
Hi Michelle, thank you so much for this comment! It's so interesting to hear your perspective as a Brit! I've never heard of that idiom "horses for courses" but will look it up now. Is it British? Like "more power to your elbow" which I recently learned and love! I think that there is usually more than one place a person can call "home". This is only based on my own experience and the experiences of my best friend who feels she has four homes at the moment (South Africa, Argentina, California and Montreal). What I learned traveling through the US for a year was that I could live pretty much anywhere but three places in particular stood out. I kind of love this concept but I know it's not for everyone. And in the end, the US was not for me (obviously).
‘Horses for courses’ is more like ‘different things suit different people’ - it’s a good phrase! It feels classically ‘British’ to me in a ‘live and let live’, ‘each to their own’ kind of way 😊 (although arguably the concept might need a bit of a revival - at least in some social media spaces 😬).
I have a feeling I will be wrestling with notions of home for a little while longer
I enjoyed your story. Unlike you, I feel my values were shaped very much by family growing up in New England. At the same time, entering professional life, I adapted to the pressures to perform and advance and found myself working nearly constantly. At one point, working in a medical environment, I worked for three years without vacation, generally 7 days a week. When we left the U.S. for Ireland I took this work culture with me and continued working long hours, even though those around me lived a strict M-F, 9-5 work week. It took me years to get the U.S. working culture out of my system.
As for values, what I would say is that I came to realise that they are not just personal attributes, those these are important too. In Europe, at least in the EU, those values are reflected in the constitutional regulations of the state, its social services, and its political life. We live more calmly and with a greater sense of peace and well-being living here (now in France) than we ever felt in the US with all its stressors and reasons to feel insecure.
I'm happy that you've also found such a place for you.
Hi John, thank you for your comment and the personal insights you shared! I can also somewhat relate to bringing the workaholism with us to wherever we move. I have been known to work long hours, 7 days a week her in Portugal too but eventually chose not to and I believe it was based on the culture here.
Working 7 days a week for 3 years with no vacation sounds difficult, even if you love what you do. I'm so glad to hear you no longer have to do that!
The values conversation really is ongoing, isn't it? You make very good points about how the values are reflected here in the EU as opposed to the US.
I'm thrilled to hear you're now living a calmer life too in France! 🤗🤗🤗
Lovely post! So glad you found your soul's true home.
I found the same in France and escaped from Britain - America Lite, in cultural terms, since Maggie Thatcher in the 1980's.
I too like the laid back attitude, a focus on true values, that money is just to live your life with family and friends, not the meaning of life.
A simple thing; in the last 6 years of living in this town, only twice have I seen people in the street with a takeaway coffee in their hand. Everyone here will sit, chat, watch the passers by, read a newspaper, chat with the waiter....... And then have another coffee! Love it!
Good luck in Portugal. Love it there, especially Lisbon and that coast to Sintra and Cascais.
Hi, thank you so much for your comment! I love hearing your experiences regarding your escape from Britain vs America.
Oooo, that's a great point about the lack of a take-away coffee culture!!! I hadn't noticed that but you're absolutely right. I also love that whenever I do take away coffee here they either don't offer a lid or the lid is cardboard/paper. I have also walked by a café at times to see someone I know sitting and they ask me to join and we have a lovely chat. I never experienced that in the US.
I haven't been to Cascais yet but Lisbon is amazing and I'm also hoping/planning to go south for the winter! Where do you go in the winters? I've been thrilled and surprised to find that this winter (so far) the weather has been super mind (15-20 degrees) in Porto! I really hope it stays this way!
You can catch the tram or train to Cascais, can't remember which it is. Been a while....
Also have you found Doco de Santo Amaro, the little dock with restaurants and nightclubs on the waterside in west Lisbon, almost beneath the Pont 25 de Abril bridge? Great places to eat on a sunny evening, and good places for a late night if you feel the need. Very stylish.
I live in France, not Lisbon, so going south for me is usually Sete, or the Cote d'Azur in France, where I used to live. For you it would presumably be the Algarve, but I don't know it so can't advise. Lots of Brits there though, so you are likely to find more English speaking company.
Hi, yes there’s a train but I also have a car because I bring my dog. It’s definitely on my list but my last trip south was through the Algarve which was a long time coming! I’ll hit Cascais on my next trip down.
I will put that area of Lisbon on my list! Thank you for that :)
Yes I saw that you lived in France. My sister is moving to Toulouse soon so it’s also good to hear about places to go in France for the winter. I have a good friend in the Algarve I plan on staying with but I’m also looking for places other than Portugal; like Spain, and the Balkans, etc.
If you are heading to France, my recommended favourites are;
La Rochelle, buzzing town and port on the Atlantic coast. Great festivals. Great seafood. Beautiful architecture and impressive history. Worth a few days.
Also go find Ile de Ré, just 15 minutes away by car (there is a bridge).Long sandy beaches, dunes, pine woods, pretty white painted villages, and some great restaurants, not least because it is a favourite summer haunt for French politicians from Paris in the summers!
Sete, on the Med near the French/Spanish border. Miles of sandy beaches, little port town originally built by Italian fishermen, with lots of canals, boats, and beautiful architecture. Great seafood.
Nice on the French Riviera for the Old Town and restaurants. Try Le Safari restaurant on the Cours Saleya for good traditional 'Specialities Nicoise'.
But then go 10 minutes east along the coast to Villefranche Sur Mer, for the real thing. Find the Port d'arse, built by the Venetians, and the chateau with the art muséum, and the little sandy beach for swimming in clear water. And the restaurants!
The coast from there to the Italian border is a series of lovely and very different little towns, with the last, Menton, one of the loveliest old towns. On the top of the hill there is a church with lots of dead English people. Menton was recommended for wealthy English patients with Consumption (Tuberculosis). It might not have cured them, but at least they died with a suntan!
In the middle of it all is Monaco, one square mile of high rise millionaires. Visit the port to see the superyachts, walk the Grand Prix circuit, visit the casino and have an expensive coffee in the Cafe de Paris and watch the Ferraris , Bentleys and Astons park at the casino. Or splash out in the American Bar in the Hotel de Paris just across the road, if you want to meet the drivers of said Ferraris etc....
if you are staying locally, the Jimmy's is the place to be. At a price.....
If you fancy some mountains, then from Nice drive to Castellane in Haute Provence (about 2 hours) through spectacular scenery on the Route Napoleon. Worth a few days, and you HAVE to walk up to the church.
Then drive to Moustiers St.Marie through the biggest gorge in Europe, the Verdon Gorge. Lots to see, not least the 100-odd European Griffon vultures now living and breeding in the gorge with their 10' wingspan.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE this!!! "I tried, I pretended and *pretzeled until I no longer could" - boy do I hear that!!
I will say though that, sadly, the rush-rush, money-money mentality is not relegated only to the US. People I've met while traveling who are from the UK and Canada and even an Albanian I met who had interned in the UK for a while say it's the same there. And in some places, it's even worse - like Japan, where they actually have a word for people who die on the job because it happens so often (Karoshi).
As you know, the first question we ask people we meet in the US is "What do you do?" so we can determine what their "value" is. It's disgusting. I've only had one person from Cambodia ask me how much I made when I worked in the US (it's not offensive to just outright ask that here and honestly, it's a bit more direct since that's really what we're asking when we ask someone about their job anyway!). Not surprisingly, she was one of the "richer" Khmer (with a BMW and properties she owns, etc).
And yes to this as well: "Sometimes I wonder if I hadn’t had this blatant consumerism and disregard for humanity modeled to me by my family and peers, if I would have stayed in America." Though very, VERY few, I have met some exceptions to this rule and that might be why I haven't 100% given up on it , YET- though I'm sure I will (for the umpteenth time!) once I go back and have it in my face again with all the "Miss America"s!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful responses!! That’s a really good point about Canada and the UK and probably other places too putting money first. I’ve had a quite a few conversations this past week with Portuguese people about how the Portuguese put love first, above everything else. I could get used to that.
I lived in Los Angeles for 15 years, and when I first moved there everyone was obsessed with what car I drove. It was insane. Also they are obsessed with their outward appearance..only! Now I only get asked what I do for a living when it is related to opening a bank account, or applying for my visa! Which is appropriate. I work on my farm, so technically I am a farmer, I know people in the US will turn their noses at that.. but I am happier than ever! I have never been to Portugal, but it sounds very similar to here.. Tranquilo!
You understand!!! I’m sorry this happened to you in LA but I think it makes us appreciate and understand the values we are more aligned to!
I’m going back to visit next week and I have so much anxiety because my family is still completely obsessed with all of this crap. I will be told I’m too thin or too fat or my hair is too gray or I don’t wear enough make-up or my clothes are not nice enough. I will be criticized for the Turo car I’m renting and the work I do in Portugal. They will find fault with me in every way, shape and form. But I know this is all their problem and not mine.
I love that you’re a “farmer”! That’s AMAZING!!! I have a close friend here from the US who also works on her farm. That is hard work!!! I envy it.
And yes, Portugal does sounds similar and I truly believe we are the fortunate ones to escape from the “rat race” :)
OMG yes this is why I havent gone back in over 4 years!! It is so toxic.. I hope it is not as bad as you predict! protect your energy!! yess we are so lucky to have escaped..
This is so eye-opening for me as a Brit in Porto with a number of American friends who are not at all as you describe - and this helps me understand why they too left the US and to a person say how happy they are to be here. I guess it just underlines the old ‘horses for courses’ idea, and while Portugal offers a home to many, it will also not suit so many others. And that’s also fine!
Hi Michelle, thank you so much for this comment! It's so interesting to hear your perspective as a Brit! I've never heard of that idiom "horses for courses" but will look it up now. Is it British? Like "more power to your elbow" which I recently learned and love! I think that there is usually more than one place a person can call "home". This is only based on my own experience and the experiences of my best friend who feels she has four homes at the moment (South Africa, Argentina, California and Montreal). What I learned traveling through the US for a year was that I could live pretty much anywhere but three places in particular stood out. I kind of love this concept but I know it's not for everyone. And in the end, the US was not for me (obviously).
‘Horses for courses’ is more like ‘different things suit different people’ - it’s a good phrase! It feels classically ‘British’ to me in a ‘live and let live’, ‘each to their own’ kind of way 😊 (although arguably the concept might need a bit of a revival - at least in some social media spaces 😬).
I have a feeling I will be wrestling with notions of home for a little while longer
I enjoyed your story. Unlike you, I feel my values were shaped very much by family growing up in New England. At the same time, entering professional life, I adapted to the pressures to perform and advance and found myself working nearly constantly. At one point, working in a medical environment, I worked for three years without vacation, generally 7 days a week. When we left the U.S. for Ireland I took this work culture with me and continued working long hours, even though those around me lived a strict M-F, 9-5 work week. It took me years to get the U.S. working culture out of my system.
As for values, what I would say is that I came to realise that they are not just personal attributes, those these are important too. In Europe, at least in the EU, those values are reflected in the constitutional regulations of the state, its social services, and its political life. We live more calmly and with a greater sense of peace and well-being living here (now in France) than we ever felt in the US with all its stressors and reasons to feel insecure.
I'm happy that you've also found such a place for you.
Hi John, thank you for your comment and the personal insights you shared! I can also somewhat relate to bringing the workaholism with us to wherever we move. I have been known to work long hours, 7 days a week her in Portugal too but eventually chose not to and I believe it was based on the culture here.
Working 7 days a week for 3 years with no vacation sounds difficult, even if you love what you do. I'm so glad to hear you no longer have to do that!
The values conversation really is ongoing, isn't it? You make very good points about how the values are reflected here in the EU as opposed to the US.
I'm thrilled to hear you're now living a calmer life too in France! 🤗🤗🤗
Lovely post! So glad you found your soul's true home.
I found the same in France and escaped from Britain - America Lite, in cultural terms, since Maggie Thatcher in the 1980's.
I too like the laid back attitude, a focus on true values, that money is just to live your life with family and friends, not the meaning of life.
A simple thing; in the last 6 years of living in this town, only twice have I seen people in the street with a takeaway coffee in their hand. Everyone here will sit, chat, watch the passers by, read a newspaper, chat with the waiter....... And then have another coffee! Love it!
Good luck in Portugal. Love it there, especially Lisbon and that coast to Sintra and Cascais.
Hi, thank you so much for your comment! I love hearing your experiences regarding your escape from Britain vs America.
Oooo, that's a great point about the lack of a take-away coffee culture!!! I hadn't noticed that but you're absolutely right. I also love that whenever I do take away coffee here they either don't offer a lid or the lid is cardboard/paper. I have also walked by a café at times to see someone I know sitting and they ask me to join and we have a lovely chat. I never experienced that in the US.
I haven't been to Cascais yet but Lisbon is amazing and I'm also hoping/planning to go south for the winter! Where do you go in the winters? I've been thrilled and surprised to find that this winter (so far) the weather has been super mind (15-20 degrees) in Porto! I really hope it stays this way!
You can catch the tram or train to Cascais, can't remember which it is. Been a while....
Also have you found Doco de Santo Amaro, the little dock with restaurants and nightclubs on the waterside in west Lisbon, almost beneath the Pont 25 de Abril bridge? Great places to eat on a sunny evening, and good places for a late night if you feel the need. Very stylish.
I live in France, not Lisbon, so going south for me is usually Sete, or the Cote d'Azur in France, where I used to live. For you it would presumably be the Algarve, but I don't know it so can't advise. Lots of Brits there though, so you are likely to find more English speaking company.
Enjoy!
Hi, yes there’s a train but I also have a car because I bring my dog. It’s definitely on my list but my last trip south was through the Algarve which was a long time coming! I’ll hit Cascais on my next trip down.
I will put that area of Lisbon on my list! Thank you for that :)
Yes I saw that you lived in France. My sister is moving to Toulouse soon so it’s also good to hear about places to go in France for the winter. I have a good friend in the Algarve I plan on staying with but I’m also looking for places other than Portugal; like Spain, and the Balkans, etc.
If you are heading to France, my recommended favourites are;
La Rochelle, buzzing town and port on the Atlantic coast. Great festivals. Great seafood. Beautiful architecture and impressive history. Worth a few days.
Also go find Ile de Ré, just 15 minutes away by car (there is a bridge).Long sandy beaches, dunes, pine woods, pretty white painted villages, and some great restaurants, not least because it is a favourite summer haunt for French politicians from Paris in the summers!
Sete, on the Med near the French/Spanish border. Miles of sandy beaches, little port town originally built by Italian fishermen, with lots of canals, boats, and beautiful architecture. Great seafood.
Nice on the French Riviera for the Old Town and restaurants. Try Le Safari restaurant on the Cours Saleya for good traditional 'Specialities Nicoise'.
But then go 10 minutes east along the coast to Villefranche Sur Mer, for the real thing. Find the Port d'arse, built by the Venetians, and the chateau with the art muséum, and the little sandy beach for swimming in clear water. And the restaurants!
The coast from there to the Italian border is a series of lovely and very different little towns, with the last, Menton, one of the loveliest old towns. On the top of the hill there is a church with lots of dead English people. Menton was recommended for wealthy English patients with Consumption (Tuberculosis). It might not have cured them, but at least they died with a suntan!
In the middle of it all is Monaco, one square mile of high rise millionaires. Visit the port to see the superyachts, walk the Grand Prix circuit, visit the casino and have an expensive coffee in the Cafe de Paris and watch the Ferraris , Bentleys and Astons park at the casino. Or splash out in the American Bar in the Hotel de Paris just across the road, if you want to meet the drivers of said Ferraris etc....
if you are staying locally, the Jimmy's is the place to be. At a price.....
If you fancy some mountains, then from Nice drive to Castellane in Haute Provence (about 2 hours) through spectacular scenery on the Route Napoleon. Worth a few days, and you HAVE to walk up to the church.
Then drive to Moustiers St.Marie through the biggest gorge in Europe, the Verdon Gorge. Lots to see, not least the 100-odd European Griffon vultures now living and breeding in the gorge with their 10' wingspan.
Hope that has whetted your appetite!
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE this!!! "I tried, I pretended and *pretzeled until I no longer could" - boy do I hear that!!
I will say though that, sadly, the rush-rush, money-money mentality is not relegated only to the US. People I've met while traveling who are from the UK and Canada and even an Albanian I met who had interned in the UK for a while say it's the same there. And in some places, it's even worse - like Japan, where they actually have a word for people who die on the job because it happens so often (Karoshi).
As you know, the first question we ask people we meet in the US is "What do you do?" so we can determine what their "value" is. It's disgusting. I've only had one person from Cambodia ask me how much I made when I worked in the US (it's not offensive to just outright ask that here and honestly, it's a bit more direct since that's really what we're asking when we ask someone about their job anyway!). Not surprisingly, she was one of the "richer" Khmer (with a BMW and properties she owns, etc).
And yes to this as well: "Sometimes I wonder if I hadn’t had this blatant consumerism and disregard for humanity modeled to me by my family and peers, if I would have stayed in America." Though very, VERY few, I have met some exceptions to this rule and that might be why I haven't 100% given up on it , YET- though I'm sure I will (for the umpteenth time!) once I go back and have it in my face again with all the "Miss America"s!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful responses!! That’s a really good point about Canada and the UK and probably other places too putting money first. I’ve had a quite a few conversations this past week with Portuguese people about how the Portuguese put love first, above everything else. I could get used to that.
That is SO beautiful! It fills my heart with joy hearing that you've found such a loving place to live. You deserve it dear friend.❤️
Awwww, hugs!!! Thank you!!!
I lived in Los Angeles for 15 years, and when I first moved there everyone was obsessed with what car I drove. It was insane. Also they are obsessed with their outward appearance..only! Now I only get asked what I do for a living when it is related to opening a bank account, or applying for my visa! Which is appropriate. I work on my farm, so technically I am a farmer, I know people in the US will turn their noses at that.. but I am happier than ever! I have never been to Portugal, but it sounds very similar to here.. Tranquilo!
You understand!!! I’m sorry this happened to you in LA but I think it makes us appreciate and understand the values we are more aligned to!
I’m going back to visit next week and I have so much anxiety because my family is still completely obsessed with all of this crap. I will be told I’m too thin or too fat or my hair is too gray or I don’t wear enough make-up or my clothes are not nice enough. I will be criticized for the Turo car I’m renting and the work I do in Portugal. They will find fault with me in every way, shape and form. But I know this is all their problem and not mine.
I love that you’re a “farmer”! That’s AMAZING!!! I have a close friend here from the US who also works on her farm. That is hard work!!! I envy it.
And yes, Portugal does sounds similar and I truly believe we are the fortunate ones to escape from the “rat race” :)
OMG yes this is why I havent gone back in over 4 years!! It is so toxic.. I hope it is not as bad as you predict! protect your energy!! yess we are so lucky to have escaped..
WOW, four years!!! Nice!!! I'm super envious!!! If it wasn't for my mother, I would not go back at all, but she's 85 and can't travel :(
I know it will be bad but I've decided to embrace the sun, some good friends, AND THE FOOD!!!! I WILL EAT EVERYTHING!!! :)
ooh I do love the food in LA!!! You will have an amazing time.
Thank you. It's not going to be great because of the drama, but YES, the food!!! Mmmmmm!!!!