I really relate to your post! Living abroad after the honeymoon phase is just real life — with its ups and downs. But it's also an intentional life we chose, full of opportunities to learn and grow.
I recently wrote about what drives people to move abroad or return home. For me, after years abroad the key takeaway are:
Before you move, ask yourself not just what you're leaving behind — but what you're moving towards. And
Once a
You face challenge abroad, don’t leave just because things get hard. Leave when you feel you’re no longer growing, learning, or evolving.
Thank you so much for your comment Emanuela!! I'm going to find your article and re-stack it! These are all important conversations to continue having!! I LOVE THESE TWO POINTS YOU'VE MADE, SO MUCH!!!! Thank you for sharing them here 😊😊😊
It was really good to read your article this evening. Over the last week or so, I stumbled upon another site or two related to Portuguese expats. Despite the fact that I have been doing my homework , in some fashion , for at least 8 months, considering a move to Portugal , it is just recently that I 've begun to feel accosted by some REALLY angry Portuguese , who are intent on keeping out any newcomers , especially Americans. Their amo has been to make raging assumptions about who "we" are. Extraordinarily mean-spirited , uninformed , out to gain some sense of power they feel they don't have, by blasting on others in a vile way . This feelings like jumping from one frying pan to another. It breaks my heart . Your piece was important to hear, and tempered by the other dimensions of my yearning. Although I am now feeling less optimistic about unfolding my wishes, ( it's seeming more daunting at age 71 than i care to admit), i felt happy for you and others who may be more in a position to pull it off. So kudos to you . I'm cheering for you!
Hi Linda, this is heartbreaking to hear and I can assure you that the people you stumbled across are outliers. I've lived here for almost three years and have never had anyone treat me that way. The Portuguese I know and meet are kind and loving and welcoming and wonderful. I really hope this doesn't dissuade you from trying to move here or anywhere else, regardless of your age. I've been hearing from quite a few people in their 70's who have relocated both here and to other countries in Europe.
I used to work in a 2500 ft deep mine shaft and we always wondered if any of us could climb out if we had too, we actually thought we could, young and immortal. We never did have to find out. We have stairs in our house and I think they add a lot to our fitness level but as we get older I am more aware about the whole gravity problem. I’m thinking clothing with built in airbags that go off just before you stop falling. New meaning to baggy pants.
I love this! People often romanticize expat life as if it's perfect but like anything there are positives and negatives. I can tell you anyone who's never gone through the stress of temporary work visas, losing your job, thinking you're about to be kicked out of the country and lose your whole life hasn't felt stress!
Hi Kimberly. Thanks for the kind mention. I'm truly humbled that my comment sparked reflection on something so personal and meaningful. It’s powerful when we open up these conversations and challenge assumptions. Your writing captured that nuance so well.
Thanks for the “language burnout and overwhelm” info. Loving Nepal as much as I do and wanting (hoping at least!) to return in future years, I'm trying to pick up on various phrases and words but I swear that I want to give up every time I start to think about how much I have to learn so it's super helpful to know I'm not alone in the overwhelm!
Oh sweetie!!! (Or to use your words: sweet friend 🥰) you are absolutely not alone!! Every single day I beat myself up about learning Portuguese. I beat myself up before I study, while studying, after studying (because I tell myself I didn’t study enough). I beat myself up when I can’t find the bandwidth or the time to study. I beat myself up when I speak to locals and they don’t understand me even though my teacher says my pronunciation is good. And the list goes on. We are all a work in progress. I think the important part to acknowledge is that we are making the effort 🥰🤗 and doing the best we can!!
"I think the important part to acknowledge is that we are making the effort 🥰🤗 and doing the best we can!!" - I hope you'll start telling yourself this more and be your own cheerleader! 💖💖💖
Interesting upbringing, that's the sort of wealth I only saw on TV. I've know a few people that were normal wealthy, they could go skiing, they owned a house, had pensions and went on holidays. They seem disappointed with adult life because they aren't as wealthy as their parents were. My parents friends and family were too often unemployed and worked at jobs like truck driving. From a very large family, more cousins than I can count only a handful of us have degrees so it was certainly more attainable to exceed expectations.
Now I can only imagine how it could really give young people a messed up expectation of adulthood.
Hi Chris, while I grew up seeing that kind of wealth from afar, I did not grow up experiencing it myself. My family didn't struggle but neither were they über rich. I'm glad of that because I don't think I would have developed such a strong work ethic if things were handed to me, as often happens in rich families. I started working at age 14 (child labor laws be damned) and by age 16 I had two jobs and never stopped working.
I hope that your friends and family didn't have to struggle too much and if they did, I hope that they were rich in other parts of life like community and love. 🥰
I love this. I’ve seen ads that say things like “Luxury lifestyle on a pension budget”, and I think, “luxury? I don’t need luxury”. To live somewhere sane and reasonably affordable, that’s luxury. To have healthcare that won’t bankrupt you: luxury. To relax in public locations because the likelihood of a mass shooter is infinitesimal: luxury. To buy fresh food that isn’t dyed, chlorinated, or soaked in pesticides and chemicals: luxury. To regain freedom of movement, speech, association, and conscience: beyond luxury.
I haven't seen those ads but I do know a digital nomad (whom I adore) that unapologetically bills herself and her brand as something like "champagne and caviar, living in five star hotels on $50 a night." And I've met others who are mostly interested in luxury travel, which they define as something more akin to glamour.
But I agree with you, it's a luxury to live somewhere affordable with good and affordable healthcare, healthy food, no mass-shootings and everything else you listed. But it's also FREEDOM! Ooooo, I think that will be another post... Thank you again for your valuable input!!
I'm totally with you, Kimberly Anne! The "glamour" issue is just another version of the general problem of tending to assume that other people's lives are better than our own—something that has been exacerbated fantastically by social media, which at my most uncharitable, I see as a marketplace where everyone is selling lies about their own existence. Thank you for being up-front about the hard parts of life abroad, and clear-eyed about what really matters.
Yes too true Gregory, the grass is always greener... And: comparison is the thief of joy!!
Thank you for your words... I have a really hard time talking about the hard parts, not because I want to hide them but because I feel like a downer when I do and my optimistic nature tells me that no one wants to hear that. 😬
So glad I found this post…and the rest of your articles. We’re in the middle of our own long exit from the U.S.—not because we think life abroad is glamorous, but because we’re done pretending the American grind still makes sense. I’ve been writing about our plan to move to Italy, the logistics, the tax traps, the culture shocks—all of it—in my own little corner of Substack.
It’s not curated or cute, and it’s definitely not “influencer-worthy,” but it’s real. Appreciate pieces like this that call out the fantasy and remind folks that moving abroad isn’t an escape—it’s just a different kind of hard, with better wine.
Hi Ceasar, thank you so much for your kind words and comment! I'm thrilled to hear you're on your way out of the U.S. and for all the right reasons! I have written about the American grind of go, go, go/do, do, do/drive, drive, drive/more, more, more... It's exhausting!
I love that you're writing about your upcoming Italian adventure and subscribed to you!!
From what I see here on Substack, we all have our author's voice, which is lovely. I haven't come across many curated or influencer posts but I have found some really cute ones LOL. I think that takes a special type of writer and I'm not that type, which is fine. There's plenty of room here for all of us!
I said to someone else earlier that I find it difficult to write about the problem and challenges, not impossible, but difficult... This is because: I always think people don't want to hear the negatives. I don't want to discourage anyone and I'm an optimist so in a way, it goes agains my nature. But you're right, real is important to talk about and it's not easy moving abroad even if the wine is better and cheaper (from what I've heard!)
You've hit it. As writers, we try to showcase things that we find interesting and think our readers will, too. The truth is there are long spaces of ordinary living--going grocery shopping, working, watching Netflix--in between the colorful festivals and exploratory trips. Thank goodness the coffee, pastries and wine are constant! Cheers!
You remind me, one of the things I like about Europe is it forces you to interact with the environment... having to trudge up five or six flights of creaky stairs with the bags, descend into a dungeon to find a restaurant toilet, running through the train station trying to make it before departure. Not glamorous at all, but you feel alive. I'll take it over the monotonous ease and sedintary comfort of the U.S.
YES!! These are wonderful points! Forced interaction with the environment and enough differences to make us feel ALIVE!! (as opposed to zombified)
My toilet doesn't flush and I can't put toilet paper in it, but we adapt (plus I was already used to this from vanlife LOL) though the trudging groceries up six flights of stairs was new to me!
Six flights of stairs, thats a bit too much for my 62 year old body, I’d be tempted to put in a slide though for the way down. That’s like a free health club membership.
A slide to slide down LOL!!! I never thought of that, knowing my luck, I’d fall and break more bones… 🤭
I’m technically on the second floor but that’s because the first floors here are floor 0 instead of floor 1; so literally I’m on the 3rd floor and each floor has 2 flights of stairs. 😞
I’m still winded when I reach the top even though I go up and down the stairs multiple times a day! Keeps me 59 years young!! 😵
But there are plenty of newer buildings with elevators!!!
I really relate to your post! Living abroad after the honeymoon phase is just real life — with its ups and downs. But it's also an intentional life we chose, full of opportunities to learn and grow.
I recently wrote about what drives people to move abroad or return home. For me, after years abroad the key takeaway are:
Before you move, ask yourself not just what you're leaving behind — but what you're moving towards. And
Once a
You face challenge abroad, don’t leave just because things get hard. Leave when you feel you’re no longer growing, learning, or evolving.
Thank you so much for your comment Emanuela!! I'm going to find your article and re-stack it! These are all important conversations to continue having!! I LOVE THESE TWO POINTS YOU'VE MADE, SO MUCH!!!! Thank you for sharing them here 😊😊😊
Hi Kimberly! Happy these points resonated with you, here the post: https://open.substack.com/pub/emanuelab/p/is-it-time-to-move-on-the-key-questions?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=3vhlfh
I love it so much!
Beautiful essay! 😊🙌
Awwwww, thank you so much Karen!!!!! It was another that was on the back burner, waiting until inspiration struck!!!!
Hi Kimberly Ann,
It was really good to read your article this evening. Over the last week or so, I stumbled upon another site or two related to Portuguese expats. Despite the fact that I have been doing my homework , in some fashion , for at least 8 months, considering a move to Portugal , it is just recently that I 've begun to feel accosted by some REALLY angry Portuguese , who are intent on keeping out any newcomers , especially Americans. Their amo has been to make raging assumptions about who "we" are. Extraordinarily mean-spirited , uninformed , out to gain some sense of power they feel they don't have, by blasting on others in a vile way . This feelings like jumping from one frying pan to another. It breaks my heart . Your piece was important to hear, and tempered by the other dimensions of my yearning. Although I am now feeling less optimistic about unfolding my wishes, ( it's seeming more daunting at age 71 than i care to admit), i felt happy for you and others who may be more in a position to pull it off. So kudos to you . I'm cheering for you!
Hi Linda, this is heartbreaking to hear and I can assure you that the people you stumbled across are outliers. I've lived here for almost three years and have never had anyone treat me that way. The Portuguese I know and meet are kind and loving and welcoming and wonderful. I really hope this doesn't dissuade you from trying to move here or anywhere else, regardless of your age. I've been hearing from quite a few people in their 70's who have relocated both here and to other countries in Europe.
Thank you so much for your comments! J needed that.
YAY!!!! Please don't let the negative nellies stop you!!!
I used to work in a 2500 ft deep mine shaft and we always wondered if any of us could climb out if we had too, we actually thought we could, young and immortal. We never did have to find out. We have stairs in our house and I think they add a lot to our fitness level but as we get older I am more aware about the whole gravity problem. I’m thinking clothing with built in airbags that go off just before you stop falling. New meaning to baggy pants.
WOW Eric, just WOW! 2500 feet is a long climb, luckily you did't have to find out!
I agree about stairs being built in fitness but it also gets old, haha, an unintentional double entendre there!
I love the idea of built in pant airbags, perhaps a new business? hahahaha
I love this! People often romanticize expat life as if it's perfect but like anything there are positives and negatives. I can tell you anyone who's never gone through the stress of temporary work visas, losing your job, thinking you're about to be kicked out of the country and lose your whole life hasn't felt stress!
Hi Andrea!!! Thank you so much, you're definitely an expert in this area!!
Wow, yeah the visa issue... plus, making ends meet without being fluent in the language or even finding a grocery store!! 😳
I hope you got my email today!!!
Just did! Thank you!!!
Hi Kimberly. Thanks for the kind mention. I'm truly humbled that my comment sparked reflection on something so personal and meaningful. It’s powerful when we open up these conversations and challenge assumptions. Your writing captured that nuance so well.
Best,
Ahmet
Thank you so much Ahmet, I love kind and thoughtful comments and conversations. Yours was one of them!! Thank you also for the kind words :)
Thanks for the “language burnout and overwhelm” info. Loving Nepal as much as I do and wanting (hoping at least!) to return in future years, I'm trying to pick up on various phrases and words but I swear that I want to give up every time I start to think about how much I have to learn so it's super helpful to know I'm not alone in the overwhelm!
Oh sweetie!!! (Or to use your words: sweet friend 🥰) you are absolutely not alone!! Every single day I beat myself up about learning Portuguese. I beat myself up before I study, while studying, after studying (because I tell myself I didn’t study enough). I beat myself up when I can’t find the bandwidth or the time to study. I beat myself up when I speak to locals and they don’t understand me even though my teacher says my pronunciation is good. And the list goes on. We are all a work in progress. I think the important part to acknowledge is that we are making the effort 🥰🤗 and doing the best we can!!
"I think the important part to acknowledge is that we are making the effort 🥰🤗 and doing the best we can!!" - I hope you'll start telling yourself this more and be your own cheerleader! 💖💖💖
Awwww good points, thank you!!!
K
Interesting upbringing, that's the sort of wealth I only saw on TV. I've know a few people that were normal wealthy, they could go skiing, they owned a house, had pensions and went on holidays. They seem disappointed with adult life because they aren't as wealthy as their parents were. My parents friends and family were too often unemployed and worked at jobs like truck driving. From a very large family, more cousins than I can count only a handful of us have degrees so it was certainly more attainable to exceed expectations.
Now I can only imagine how it could really give young people a messed up expectation of adulthood.
Hi Chris, while I grew up seeing that kind of wealth from afar, I did not grow up experiencing it myself. My family didn't struggle but neither were they über rich. I'm glad of that because I don't think I would have developed such a strong work ethic if things were handed to me, as often happens in rich families. I started working at age 14 (child labor laws be damned) and by age 16 I had two jobs and never stopped working.
I hope that your friends and family didn't have to struggle too much and if they did, I hope that they were rich in other parts of life like community and love. 🥰
I love this. I’ve seen ads that say things like “Luxury lifestyle on a pension budget”, and I think, “luxury? I don’t need luxury”. To live somewhere sane and reasonably affordable, that’s luxury. To have healthcare that won’t bankrupt you: luxury. To relax in public locations because the likelihood of a mass shooter is infinitesimal: luxury. To buy fresh food that isn’t dyed, chlorinated, or soaked in pesticides and chemicals: luxury. To regain freedom of movement, speech, association, and conscience: beyond luxury.
Thank you so much for your comment!!
I haven't seen those ads but I do know a digital nomad (whom I adore) that unapologetically bills herself and her brand as something like "champagne and caviar, living in five star hotels on $50 a night." And I've met others who are mostly interested in luxury travel, which they define as something more akin to glamour.
But I agree with you, it's a luxury to live somewhere affordable with good and affordable healthcare, healthy food, no mass-shootings and everything else you listed. But it's also FREEDOM! Ooooo, I think that will be another post... Thank you again for your valuable input!!
You’re welcome!!
I'm totally with you, Kimberly Anne! The "glamour" issue is just another version of the general problem of tending to assume that other people's lives are better than our own—something that has been exacerbated fantastically by social media, which at my most uncharitable, I see as a marketplace where everyone is selling lies about their own existence. Thank you for being up-front about the hard parts of life abroad, and clear-eyed about what really matters.
Yes too true Gregory, the grass is always greener... And: comparison is the thief of joy!!
Thank you for your words... I have a really hard time talking about the hard parts, not because I want to hide them but because I feel like a downer when I do and my optimistic nature tells me that no one wants to hear that. 😬
Love this!
Thank you Cathy!
So glad I found this post…and the rest of your articles. We’re in the middle of our own long exit from the U.S.—not because we think life abroad is glamorous, but because we’re done pretending the American grind still makes sense. I’ve been writing about our plan to move to Italy, the logistics, the tax traps, the culture shocks—all of it—in my own little corner of Substack.
It’s not curated or cute, and it’s definitely not “influencer-worthy,” but it’s real. Appreciate pieces like this that call out the fantasy and remind folks that moving abroad isn’t an escape—it’s just a different kind of hard, with better wine.
Hi Ceasar, thank you so much for your kind words and comment! I'm thrilled to hear you're on your way out of the U.S. and for all the right reasons! I have written about the American grind of go, go, go/do, do, do/drive, drive, drive/more, more, more... It's exhausting!
I love that you're writing about your upcoming Italian adventure and subscribed to you!!
From what I see here on Substack, we all have our author's voice, which is lovely. I haven't come across many curated or influencer posts but I have found some really cute ones LOL. I think that takes a special type of writer and I'm not that type, which is fine. There's plenty of room here for all of us!
I said to someone else earlier that I find it difficult to write about the problem and challenges, not impossible, but difficult... This is because: I always think people don't want to hear the negatives. I don't want to discourage anyone and I'm an optimist so in a way, it goes agains my nature. But you're right, real is important to talk about and it's not easy moving abroad even if the wine is better and cheaper (from what I've heard!)
You've hit it. As writers, we try to showcase things that we find interesting and think our readers will, too. The truth is there are long spaces of ordinary living--going grocery shopping, working, watching Netflix--in between the colorful festivals and exploratory trips. Thank goodness the coffee, pastries and wine are constant! Cheers!
Ha! 😅 Thank you for your comment Barbara! Life is so much better here but nothing is perfect!!
You remind me, one of the things I like about Europe is it forces you to interact with the environment... having to trudge up five or six flights of creaky stairs with the bags, descend into a dungeon to find a restaurant toilet, running through the train station trying to make it before departure. Not glamorous at all, but you feel alive. I'll take it over the monotonous ease and sedintary comfort of the U.S.
YES!! These are wonderful points! Forced interaction with the environment and enough differences to make us feel ALIVE!! (as opposed to zombified)
My toilet doesn't flush and I can't put toilet paper in it, but we adapt (plus I was already used to this from vanlife LOL) though the trudging groceries up six flights of stairs was new to me!
What a great response and perspective!!! 😊😊😊
Real helpful insights!
Going to use your code for Preply!
Thank you so much Adi! I'm so glad the insights helped, thank you for your support and I hope you love your Preply tutor!!! 🥰
Six flights of stairs, thats a bit too much for my 62 year old body, I’d be tempted to put in a slide though for the way down. That’s like a free health club membership.
A slide to slide down LOL!!! I never thought of that, knowing my luck, I’d fall and break more bones… 🤭
I’m technically on the second floor but that’s because the first floors here are floor 0 instead of floor 1; so literally I’m on the 3rd floor and each floor has 2 flights of stairs. 😞
I’m still winded when I reach the top even though I go up and down the stairs multiple times a day! Keeps me 59 years young!! 😵
But there are plenty of newer buildings with elevators!!!