The Glamorous Expat Life Is a Myth—Here’s What It’s Really Like
Why I chose discomfort, growth, and authenticity over the fantasy.
Intro
Hello all! For those of you who are new to my Substack, I’m Kimberly Anne. I want to say a huge thank you to everyone for being part of this adventure! I started writing on Substack in 2022 to share my journey but as most things… my focus has shifted to help others achieve their dreams of moving abroad.
I’m a U.S. “expat” who moved to Portugal in 2022. I moved here solo, sight unseen and without a support group. Prior to moving to Europe I traveled the US in a converted van for a year, also solo! To learn even more about me, please click here.
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Wow, Your Life Must Be So Glamorous!
This is often a common assumption when people hear I live abroad. But I’ve never once considered this to be true or even entertained it.
First I have to thank
for posting a comment to this note that I published in February because before his comment, I had never thought about this topic. But it brought up a lot of emotions and thoughts, the most prevalent being “what does glamorous even mean?”No One Lives a Glamorous Life 24/7
We all know the idea of living a glamorous life is subjective, but for me, it’s more than that. It’s an impossible fantasy. I don’t believe anyone lives a glamorous life.
For some, the idea of this concept may invoke thoughts of sipping champagne and eating caviar on a yacht. And while I won’t dispute this as a valid idea of glamour, except to say watching White Lotus Season 3 may change your mind LOL, it’s not how anyone lives 24/7.
Another person’s idea of the perfect/glamorous lifestyle may be hiking or skiing in the Dolomites. Someone else’s could be living on a farm in the Italian countryside.
Even those who seem to have glamorous lives don’t live that way all the time. Everyone gets sick. Everyone loses people they love. Everyone (except the über rich) experience the travel woes of delayed or canceled flights, lost luggage and screaming children kicking their seat-backs.
Glamour does not equal ease or happiness!
Growing Up Among “Glamour”
Maybe my understanding of how un-glamorous “glamorous” people really are started in childhood—growing up in Los Angeles, surrounded by celebrities who were anything but polished off-camera.
Being driven to school (carpooling) by Sally Fields in curlers. Frank Zappa himself threatened me with a boa constrictor while chasing me around his house. One time, a Fantasy Island actor casually threatened to murder my cat by throwing him in the dryer. Totally normal childhood stuff. 🙄 Then there was the time Lauren Bacall rolled her eyes at me and made a throat frog when I told her I wanted to be an actor. And the list goes on…
I’m not saying this to indicate any of these people were bad people, but these are all people who others pedestalize and define as living glamorous lives.
I had an aunt, she wasn’t my real aunt, she was my mother’s best friend from high school and she was the richest person I knew. She lived in a gorgeous, lavishly decorated Beverly Hills house that spanned an entire city block replete with a pool, jacuzzi, sauna, the works. There were live in butlers and maids. She was waited on hand and foot. She had a dozen expensive cars but always drove her Bentley. And yet, she was always miserable and her life was an absolute disaster. Her kids barely spoke to her and her youngest committed suicide in her thirties. The oldest became a raging alcoholic. Her husband and her lived in separate wings of their house because they hated one another. To the outside, I suspect people thought they lived a glamorous life, but in reality, it was utter hell.
Fantasy vs. Reality
When you’re well-off, you have to put up a facade and bow to pretenses. I’m not saying that all millionaires are disingenuous or unauthentic, but a fair amount are.
The idea of jet-setting around the world, what others think when they hear about living in Los Angeles, what people say when I tell them I’ve been to the Playboy Mansion… it’s all fantasy. It’s a pretty fantasy, absolutely, and it’s also just a snapshot. A moment or an idea that doesn’t really have a basis in concrete reality.
This is similar to what happens when people hear I live in Europe.
Don’t get me wrong, I love living in Europe and I wouldn’t go back to living in United States if you paid me—okay, that’s not quite true, if you paid me twenty million, I’d consider it. But that’s not going to happen (another fantasy) so it’s moot.
Europe Is Not a Postcard Life
But my life is not a bed of roses in Portugal, far from it. As I pen this article, we’re going on month seven of non-stop winter in Porto. Today I was caught outside in a hailstorm. I have gone through at least five pairs of rain boots in three years and currently don’t have any, so my favorite boots were soaked through. My pants were soaked through (yes I forgot to wear my plastic rain pants because when I left this morning it wasn’t raining). My dog was shivering in a doorway, her fur matted with ice. Umbrellas are practically useless here because of the strong winds. I go through five each winter, on average. The weather in April has been forty degrees Fahrenheit, 4.5 degrees Celsius.
My landlady refuses to fix anything that breaks in my apartment or hire contractors or a handyperson to fix the broken items. So I have to find strangers who don’t speak English, hire and pay for them. My apartment has no heat and in the dead of winter, I wear two wool sweaters and a parka inside. I walk up six flights of stairs to get to my apartment. Plus the never-ending bureaucracy… Our visas expired six months ago, but the government is so behind on renewals that no one can leave the country until they figure that out. I applied for my driver’s license in January but still haven’t received it, four months later and counting. I hear it can take up to a year.
And yet… I love living here and wouldn’t change it for the world. Well, there are some things I’d change, but I wouldn’t change living in Europe over living in the U.S., even with all the difficulties I encounter here.
I rarely write about the downsides and hardships in Portugal because there are downsides and hardships everywhere. I could give you a much longer list of all the problems I encountered in the U.S. Well, I did just that in my “why I left America” series. Suffice it to say—the good here FAR outweighs all the bad.
I’ve gone into some of this when I’ve written about the fantastic healthcare, the wonderful values, the kind community, the affordability, slowing down and more.
Today as I was walking to the pet store and got caught in the hail storm, I was grumbly. Sometimes it’s a challenge to maintain a positive stance, even for an optimist. When I arrived at the store, I let out a litany of complaints to the sales lady, who knows me. And then I said something like, “today is miserable!”
She responded emphatically with, “don’t say that, we’re alive!”
And this is the often the kind of thing the Portuguese say. Their optimism (not everyone, but many) is next level.
What’s Your Why?
If you’re planning to move abroad, what are your reasons? They’re all valid. While I doubt that any of them are “to live or lead a more glamorous life” if that’s your reason I won’t dissuade you or tell you it’s not possible. But I will ask you to define what living a glamorous life means to you.
Because wherever you choose, there will be challenges. They will be different to the challenges you are experiencing now, but they will exist. On the flip side, you will experience adventure, an education only had by living in a new country, connections with amazing people, and an entirely new and different life. These anecdotes will enable to you grow and expand beyond your wildest dreams because you’ll learn flexibility, problem-solving and humility. And… if you’re anything like me, you’ll discover who you were truly meant to be.
Maybe the best we can hope for, no matter where we live, are moments of glamour. Or better yet, moments of peace and happiness!
The Beauty in the Mess
Despite all the challenges—from ten months of rain to bureaucratic black holes—there’s still something deeply beautiful about this life abroad. It may not be curated or camera-ready, but it's full of real moments that matter.
There’s the kindness of strangers who help you even when you don’t speak the same language. The neighbor who helps build your new furniture. The shop owner who greets you with a smile. These aren’t glamorous moments, but they’re soul-filling.
There’s the cultural exchange—the way your perspective expands as you witness how others live, love, and even suffer. You begin to see the world less through the lens of comfort and more through the lens of connection.
And then there’s you. You change. You learn to navigate uncertainty. You develop resilience. You discover a thousand new ways to solve problems and a million new reasons to laugh. You become someone you might never have met had you stayed where you were.
It’s not glamorous, but it’s powerful. It’s not polished, but it’s profound. And in those quiet or chaotic moments—watching the sunset over cobblestone streets, learning a new word, or simply surviving a tough day—you realize: this life doesn’t need to be glamorous to be extraordinary.
Conclusion: Redefining What Matters
Living abroad isn’t a fairytale. It’s not a movie montage set to breezy music. It’s real life—with all its mess and magic.
When we let go of the “glamour” myth, we make space for something much more meaningful: authenticity. We stop trying to stage our lives and start living fully.
So no, I wouldn’t trade this life for a glamorous one. Not even for the highlight reel. Because the real thing—the one filled with hailstorms, helpful strangers, and hard-won wisdom—is infinitely more rewarding.
Wherever you live, whatever path you’re on, maybe the goal isn’t glamour at all. Maybe it’s those fleeting yet powerful moments of peace, connection, wonder, and joy.
And if you ask me, that’s what makes a life truly beautiful.
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—If you want to learn another language before you embark (or after) on your new adventure, I highly recommend the platform Preply! It’s what I use to learn Portuguese and it’s also the platform I teach on. Please use my referral code for $17 off your first lesson!
—I use Wise to transfer money internationally between bank accounts and they also offer a free ATM card that can be used worldwide without fees. Please use my referral code for a free transfer of up to $600.
—I’ve started using Kindred Home Exchange in order to secure affordable accommodations! If you’re interested and want to sign up, you will get five nights with my referral code!
—I use Safety Wing for my travel medical insurance abroad. You can check them out here.
—For travel hacking I use my Chase Sapphire Preferred credit card. I earn enough points by using the card regularly (with no foreign transaction fees) to get a “free” RT ticket from Europe to the US at least once a year.
—I use the eSim Nomad. I’ve tried several others and Nomad is the only one that’s ever worked for me.
—If you’re traveling or moving to a new country, I highly recommend choosing Express VPN. It’s the VPN service that I use. Click here for more information and get three extra months on an affordable twelve month subscription.
If you’re interested in my “Why I Left the US and Won’t Ever Return” Series, please check out..
Cost of living: Article here
Healthcare (or lack thereof) here.
Safety—article here.
Polarization—too much hate and anger
If you’re interested in moving abroad, check out my free Expat on a Budget pub or podcast on Substack
The How to Live Abroad Publication is here.
Part 1—Want to move abroad? Start here!
Part 2—Conquer your fears about moving abroad!
Part 3—12 Minimizing Mistakes Part 1
Part 4—12 Minimizing Mistakes Part 2
Part 5—A Personal Case study (re: Minimizing)
Part 6—Your Move Abroad: The Ultimate Checklist
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—Expat on a Budget AKA Living Abroad on a Budget and My Unknown Adventure by Kimberly Anne
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I really relate to your post! Living abroad after the honeymoon phase is just real life — with its ups and downs. But it's also an intentional life we chose, full of opportunities to learn and grow.
I recently wrote about what drives people to move abroad or return home. For me, after years abroad the key takeaway are:
Before you move, ask yourself not just what you're leaving behind — but what you're moving towards. And
Once a
You face challenge abroad, don’t leave just because things get hard. Leave when you feel you’re no longer growing, learning, or evolving.
Beautiful essay! 😊🙌