It's quite the experience, and i could see us just hanging out here for a while. We have transferable skills. Definitely thinking long and hard about life.
Very chill. I don’t know if traffic is a metaphor for life in India, but there are almost no stop lights. For 10 days, we found only three. Life, like traffic, just flows. I love that idea.
I really liked this, Kimberly Anne! I can only echo what you say about the contrast between the American lifestyle and that of... well, pretty much everywhere else. Money isn't all that it's cracked up to be, and it sure as heck can't buy you love.
One note on Portugal: I don't know whether you have noticed this, but I believe that the Portuguese do tend to fetishize their cars. There are supposedly lots of people who live in a crummy apartment but drive a fancy car, because that gives them a visible social status. There's even this: when I started thinking about dating again, my Portuguese friends warned me that women might not like the car that I drive. Like I care! So status is an issue everywhere, but I agree that it's not the driver (no pun intended) that it is in the USA.
I have not seen the car snobbery in Porto but I don't doubt it exists here... though I have to wonder if it's mainly a male thing. This is my first time living in an overtly misogynistic culture where I am a second class citizen and I experience many uncomfortable issues surrounding that daily.
But none of my female Portuguese friends drive fancy cars, nor have they mentioned that being important to them.
I will be honest, if a woman (or man, or non-binary person) doesn't like the car I drive, I'd rather not be friends with them and I certainly wouldn't date them. I don't know if you have this same barometer but I'd use it as a litmus test myself LOL.
My Spanish partner doesn't flaunt their money at all but they have plenty of it and I would have never known. It's quite refreshing and I prefer that.
Having or not having a lot of money is not deal breaker for me as long as it's not someone who expects me to support them (I've done that before and it was awful) but I think it's wonderful when people don't show you their monetary worth and instead focus on their self-worth.
Oh, the car thing is totally gendered: it’s the Portuguese equivalent of a peacock showing off his tail, I think. And some women go for that, in the same way some women go for guys with lots of muscles. To each her own, I say!
Yes, one day we need to start talking about the gender situation here in Portugal. But I want to make sure I understand it better first, since I don’t want to make too many assumptions.
I totally agree that a person who flaunts their wealth is not attractive. Show me the contents of your personality, not your wallet!
"Show me the contents of your personality, not your wallet!" YES!
The gender situation here is very difficult for me to talk about, unless in person. I've written (and scrapped) three articles about it so far.
And being from California, I'm appalled on a good day and disgusted on most days.
But... I read a really great article the other day about what a female expat is experiencing in Italy and I can say it's absolutely on par with what happens here to me on a daily basis though here I also get physically pushed out of the way and threatened by men on top of constant inappropriate sexual "innuendos".
I honestly wonder what it's like from a non-Portuguese male's perspective. For single/solo non-native women, it's quite dehumanizing and heartbreaking.
I love this: “It’s fine, before moving to Portugal I had no patience but now I actually don’t mind waiting, I’m not in a hurry.”
Travelling throughout latin America has been wonderful for this. Everything is on "island time" or "Panama time" and we've learned to slow down and embrace the lack of rush.
YES! Thank you Tanessa and thank you for saying you too are learning this... maybe it's a lifelong "undoing"... I referenced you in my recent article! 🥰
Maybe that's what being an adult chasing freedom really is? An undoing? I ended up writing on this "undoing" experience 4-5 months ago because I couldn't use any other word to describe it as accurately.
Yes! I think I even called it The Unbecoming, which is funny because my program I ran for years for clients was called Becoming Limitless haha
Yeah, it's always something new everyday. And surprisingly, much of it comes from managing my own emotions around the variety of discomfort I get to experience on a week to week basis! lol
I imagine you're still learning even though you've settled in one place?
Hi Tanessa, that's so cool and also what a full circle with the name of your past program--but they're kind of the same philosophy, no? Unbecoming and Becoming Limitless!!!
I also see how much I'm growing and learning (and I know you agree) by experiencing discomfort and the unknown.
I am absolutely learning non-stop every day here! It's not stagnant, that's for sure!
I'm excited to read your article, thank you for including the link! 🤗🤗🤗
Fantastic article! The more we travel, the more we see how life is "expected" to be more chaotic and rushed here in the US. The focus and values are all messed up.
I also had my own encounter with "Miss America" when we were in Hoi An, Vietnam. I was half a second away from storming up to her when she stormed off herself after being completely appalled that the sweet Vietnamese vendor would not take her USD.
Hm...I think I need to write an article about that. Ruffles my feathers just thinking about it again...lol
I crave a slower pace. A focus on friends and family. Portugual hasn't been competely out of the question.
I love hearing how much you are learning (re: values and a slower pace of life) from traveling.
And yes please write an article about that entitled US woman you ran into in Hoi An!! That's so crazy that she expected to use American dollars in another country! Who would even do that? Rhetorical LOL but I'm mad just hearing your one sentence about it!!
I lived in the US for 5 years and can totally relate to what you've shared understand why you would want to leave! Portugal has such a great energy and you're right, the laid back lifestyle is so refreshing. I hope to go back there one day soon ☺️
Hi Rachel, thank you so much for your comment!! Where were you in the US? I'm glad to hear you were able to leave but also that you understand what life is like there. And I love that you love Portugal!!!
Well, let me be one of the few older white men who love your article. You've captured precisely why I quit my corporate job in 2010 and moved away from the Bay Area of California.
I played that game for almost 20 years, but just couldn't stand it anymore. It's all about the hustle, making more and more money, buying as much as possible, bragging about your job and money and possessions endlessly.
I wanted more time to spend with my family, exercising, hiking in the forests, reading and writing, and living a better pace of life. The greed, selfishness, and hustle culture just does not appeal to me.
So, I work for myself and never went back. I'm jealous of your new lifestyle. I hope we can do the same one day.
We live about an hour from South Lake Tahoe now, surrounded by a forest. Slower pace of life. A lot more time in nature. But we will probably retire elsewhere someday.
Great article. We live in the US (Although have lived aboard) and are always reassessing our decision and looking at possibly moving. It's interesting that so many of the things people in America assume are normal are simply not normal in other places!
Hi Gretchen, thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful comment! I guess it's akin to "you don't know what you don't know". I'm glad to hear that you DO know! The daily news there is completely insane and I'm worried many will lose their nest eggs... 😫
That is SUCH a great point about how the numerous parades and other celebrations bring the community together. Festivals abroad are one of my favorite things to do and now I understand a bit better why!
YES! It's so cool! I remember you telling me about the awesome water festival you went to in Cambodia!! The festivals abroad bring us closer to the culture and community while also providing so much FUN! Here in the summer there are sooooo many!!! Remember sweetie, I have a room (and bathroom) for you whenever you can visit!!!! Are you in Nepal now????
You know getting to Porto to see you is for sure on my list. 😊 For now-yes, I made it to Nepal where they’re celebrating Holi! Sadly, I’m too jet lagged to participate much but I still feel a part of things with all the sounds of the festival around me. 🎉
I’ve been working on a piece about the word “calma” and how much I love it. I marvel at the patience here and I’m still learning how to not feel like I need to rush through everything I do.
Hi Lani! Thank you so much for your comment! I'm looking forward to reading your piece!!! I still feel like a toddler when it comes to many of these concepts. "you can take the girl out of the U.S. but...." 😳😳😳
I'm glad Europe/Portugal has a good influence on people :) You know, like your Joanna, when I was young I wasn't too happy to live in Europe, but as I grew older I've come to realize I NEED this lifestyle, this sunshine, this diversity of cultures, this European culture... Europe is a lot of things, good and bad, but now I consider myself lucky I was born and raised here.
I lived in Costa Rica for a couple of years and it is definitely Pura Vida. I'm back in California and planning my next move - looking at Portugal and Spain (in the next year), for the exact reasons you've written.
I want a slower pace of life, more community, and unique experiences.
I'm from Northern California (born and raised), and while it will always hold a special place in my heart (most of my family is still here, although my kids are grown and in Southern California), I know I want something different.
I appreciate you sharing your experiences, it gets me even more excited for this next chapter.
Well put, exactly how I feel. Portugal does have at least a couple stressed-out career-focused people, though, as I learned working with Portuguese lawyers to get my citizenship there (although they're mostly interacting with Americans so maybe that's why...). Also I loved the Miss America story! Very emblematic. My years at USC were some of the most stressful of my life, because of all the competitiveness around money and careers in the LA area. Good for you for finding a new home away from those kinds of values! Sorry that the circus school didn't work out though, as you posted in the last one.
Yep. I've left the U.S. and plan to never move back know. Though I'm in a county now that I know is not a long-term fit for me (but afforded me the ability to easily move to Europe), I'm looking into where I want to land next. Portugal is definitely on my radar. I enjoy reading about your experiences and often find myself nodding my head in agreement with what you've written. It does take time to unlearn what we've learned over decades of living in the U.S.
I’m in India this week and next, and I wonder what it would be like to never go home.
Oh how exciting!!! Do you love it??? You don’t have to go home… just sayin’.
It's quite the experience, and i could see us just hanging out here for a while. We have transferable skills. Definitely thinking long and hard about life.
I love this!!! How exciting. Are you in a particular city/town you love or looking around?
In country for a wedding. In Delhi a few days and was down at Samode Palace in Jaipur. Very structured trip, but lots of fun. I like it here.
Wonderful!! I've heard so many wonderful things about India!!!
Very chill. I don’t know if traffic is a metaphor for life in India, but there are almost no stop lights. For 10 days, we found only three. Life, like traffic, just flows. I love that idea.
I really liked this, Kimberly Anne! I can only echo what you say about the contrast between the American lifestyle and that of... well, pretty much everywhere else. Money isn't all that it's cracked up to be, and it sure as heck can't buy you love.
One note on Portugal: I don't know whether you have noticed this, but I believe that the Portuguese do tend to fetishize their cars. There are supposedly lots of people who live in a crummy apartment but drive a fancy car, because that gives them a visible social status. There's even this: when I started thinking about dating again, my Portuguese friends warned me that women might not like the car that I drive. Like I care! So status is an issue everywhere, but I agree that it's not the driver (no pun intended) that it is in the USA.
Thank you Gregory!
I have not seen the car snobbery in Porto but I don't doubt it exists here... though I have to wonder if it's mainly a male thing. This is my first time living in an overtly misogynistic culture where I am a second class citizen and I experience many uncomfortable issues surrounding that daily.
But none of my female Portuguese friends drive fancy cars, nor have they mentioned that being important to them.
I will be honest, if a woman (or man, or non-binary person) doesn't like the car I drive, I'd rather not be friends with them and I certainly wouldn't date them. I don't know if you have this same barometer but I'd use it as a litmus test myself LOL.
My Spanish partner doesn't flaunt their money at all but they have plenty of it and I would have never known. It's quite refreshing and I prefer that.
Having or not having a lot of money is not deal breaker for me as long as it's not someone who expects me to support them (I've done that before and it was awful) but I think it's wonderful when people don't show you their monetary worth and instead focus on their self-worth.
Oh, the car thing is totally gendered: it’s the Portuguese equivalent of a peacock showing off his tail, I think. And some women go for that, in the same way some women go for guys with lots of muscles. To each her own, I say!
Yes, one day we need to start talking about the gender situation here in Portugal. But I want to make sure I understand it better first, since I don’t want to make too many assumptions.
I totally agree that a person who flaunts their wealth is not attractive. Show me the contents of your personality, not your wallet!
"Show me the contents of your personality, not your wallet!" YES!
The gender situation here is very difficult for me to talk about, unless in person. I've written (and scrapped) three articles about it so far.
And being from California, I'm appalled on a good day and disgusted on most days.
But... I read a really great article the other day about what a female expat is experiencing in Italy and I can say it's absolutely on par with what happens here to me on a daily basis though here I also get physically pushed out of the way and threatened by men on top of constant inappropriate sexual "innuendos".
I honestly wonder what it's like from a non-Portuguese male's perspective. For single/solo non-native women, it's quite dehumanizing and heartbreaking.
https://open.substack.com/pub/chandiwyant/p/chiming-in-on-the-move-to-italy-discourse?r=9fb7x&utm_medium=ios
I love this: “It’s fine, before moving to Portugal I had no patience but now I actually don’t mind waiting, I’m not in a hurry.”
Travelling throughout latin America has been wonderful for this. Everything is on "island time" or "Panama time" and we've learned to slow down and embrace the lack of rush.
YES! Thank you Tanessa and thank you for saying you too are learning this... maybe it's a lifelong "undoing"... I referenced you in my recent article! 🥰
I'll take a peak!! :D
Maybe that's what being an adult chasing freedom really is? An undoing? I ended up writing on this "undoing" experience 4-5 months ago because I couldn't use any other word to describe it as accurately.
Oh you did?? I need to go read that right now!!!
And yes, it's a good way to describe being an adult chasing freedom... undoing, unlearning, relearning...
Don't you feel like you're in an accelerated school daily with how much you learn from travel?
Yes! I think I even called it The Unbecoming, which is funny because my program I ran for years for clients was called Becoming Limitless haha
Yeah, it's always something new everyday. And surprisingly, much of it comes from managing my own emotions around the variety of discomfort I get to experience on a week to week basis! lol
I imagine you're still learning even though you've settled in one place?
https://tanessashears.substack.com/p/the-unbecoming-5-lessons-ive-learned
Hi Tanessa, that's so cool and also what a full circle with the name of your past program--but they're kind of the same philosophy, no? Unbecoming and Becoming Limitless!!!
I also see how much I'm growing and learning (and I know you agree) by experiencing discomfort and the unknown.
I am absolutely learning non-stop every day here! It's not stagnant, that's for sure!
I'm excited to read your article, thank you for including the link! 🤗🤗🤗
They are similar hey?? I guess it's just a reminder that we are always becoming and unbecoming at the same time :)
Fantastic article! The more we travel, the more we see how life is "expected" to be more chaotic and rushed here in the US. The focus and values are all messed up.
I also had my own encounter with "Miss America" when we were in Hoi An, Vietnam. I was half a second away from storming up to her when she stormed off herself after being completely appalled that the sweet Vietnamese vendor would not take her USD.
Hm...I think I need to write an article about that. Ruffles my feathers just thinking about it again...lol
I crave a slower pace. A focus on friends and family. Portugual hasn't been competely out of the question.
Hi Kris, thank you so much for your response!
I love hearing how much you are learning (re: values and a slower pace of life) from traveling.
And yes please write an article about that entitled US woman you ran into in Hoi An!! That's so crazy that she expected to use American dollars in another country! Who would even do that? Rhetorical LOL but I'm mad just hearing your one sentence about it!!
I keep meaning to link to IL's 2025 list for people to consider when thinking about moving! Here it is! https://internationalliving.com/the-best-places-to-retire/
I lived in the US for 5 years and can totally relate to what you've shared understand why you would want to leave! Portugal has such a great energy and you're right, the laid back lifestyle is so refreshing. I hope to go back there one day soon ☺️
Hi Rachel, thank you so much for your comment!! Where were you in the US? I'm glad to hear you were able to leave but also that you understand what life is like there. And I love that you love Portugal!!!
I lived in San Francisco; it was a great experience, but glad to have left!
Hi Rachel, San Francisco is amazing, that's where I lived as well and I agree, it's nice to leave too :)
Well, let me be one of the few older white men who love your article. You've captured precisely why I quit my corporate job in 2010 and moved away from the Bay Area of California.
I played that game for almost 20 years, but just couldn't stand it anymore. It's all about the hustle, making more and more money, buying as much as possible, bragging about your job and money and possessions endlessly.
I wanted more time to spend with my family, exercising, hiking in the forests, reading and writing, and living a better pace of life. The greed, selfishness, and hustle culture just does not appeal to me.
So, I work for myself and never went back. I'm jealous of your new lifestyle. I hope we can do the same one day.
Hi Larry! Everyone is welcome, thank you so much for your comment!!!!
Ugh, corporate jobs in the Bay Area can be soul sucking for sure! I'm glad you were able to quit and move away. 😊
Where did you end up? I may be jealous of your lifestyle as well! LOL
And I'm sure you can move abroad when the time comes!!!
Thank you again!
We live about an hour from South Lake Tahoe now, surrounded by a forest. Slower pace of life. A lot more time in nature. But we will probably retire elsewhere someday.
Oh nice, that's a wonderful area!!
Great article. We live in the US (Although have lived aboard) and are always reassessing our decision and looking at possibly moving. It's interesting that so many of the things people in America assume are normal are simply not normal in other places!
Hi Gretchen, thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful comment! I guess it's akin to "you don't know what you don't know". I'm glad to hear that you DO know! The daily news there is completely insane and I'm worried many will lose their nest eggs... 😫
That is SUCH a great point about how the numerous parades and other celebrations bring the community together. Festivals abroad are one of my favorite things to do and now I understand a bit better why!
YES! It's so cool! I remember you telling me about the awesome water festival you went to in Cambodia!! The festivals abroad bring us closer to the culture and community while also providing so much FUN! Here in the summer there are sooooo many!!! Remember sweetie, I have a room (and bathroom) for you whenever you can visit!!!! Are you in Nepal now????
You know getting to Porto to see you is for sure on my list. 😊 For now-yes, I made it to Nepal where they’re celebrating Holi! Sadly, I’m too jet lagged to participate much but I still feel a part of things with all the sounds of the festival around me. 🎉
HUGS!!!! I loved getting your voice mails!!!!
I’ve been working on a piece about the word “calma” and how much I love it. I marvel at the patience here and I’m still learning how to not feel like I need to rush through everything I do.
Hi Lani! Thank you so much for your comment! I'm looking forward to reading your piece!!! I still feel like a toddler when it comes to many of these concepts. "you can take the girl out of the U.S. but...." 😳😳😳
I'm glad Europe/Portugal has a good influence on people :) You know, like your Joanna, when I was young I wasn't too happy to live in Europe, but as I grew older I've come to realize I NEED this lifestyle, this sunshine, this diversity of cultures, this European culture... Europe is a lot of things, good and bad, but now I consider myself lucky I was born and raised here.
Thanks for sharing, Kimberly,
I lived in Costa Rica for a couple of years and it is definitely Pura Vida. I'm back in California and planning my next move - looking at Portugal and Spain (in the next year), for the exact reasons you've written.
I want a slower pace of life, more community, and unique experiences.
I'm from Northern California (born and raised), and while it will always hold a special place in my heart (most of my family is still here, although my kids are grown and in Southern California), I know I want something different.
I appreciate you sharing your experiences, it gets me even more excited for this next chapter.
Well put, exactly how I feel. Portugal does have at least a couple stressed-out career-focused people, though, as I learned working with Portuguese lawyers to get my citizenship there (although they're mostly interacting with Americans so maybe that's why...). Also I loved the Miss America story! Very emblematic. My years at USC were some of the most stressful of my life, because of all the competitiveness around money and careers in the LA area. Good for you for finding a new home away from those kinds of values! Sorry that the circus school didn't work out though, as you posted in the last one.
Very well written, honestly hits home and I’m in the us
Yep. I've left the U.S. and plan to never move back know. Though I'm in a county now that I know is not a long-term fit for me (but afforded me the ability to easily move to Europe), I'm looking into where I want to land next. Portugal is definitely on my radar. I enjoy reading about your experiences and often find myself nodding my head in agreement with what you've written. It does take time to unlearn what we've learned over decades of living in the U.S.
Thank you for the excellent article. It reminds me of my time living and staying in Southern France, Spain and Mexico.
Well written