I was part of that 45% Aging parents group. My older sister and I co-caregivers of a parent (mother) with dementia. We take turns staying with them each week. They're both in their early 80's. Her condition is declining enough that we have use of Hospice services, but she's nowhere near "end of life". I'm with Sue, though. "Sue is going to be there for her until she passes and then move abroad." This is going to be me with both parents. I just turned 53. I'm really hoping I'll be able to get there.
Hi Ororo! Thank you so much your comment and poll vote!!!
I remember we talked about this before and I think it's amazing that both you and your sister are co-caregivers for your mother, though I'm so sorry to hear she has dementia and is declining.
Yes early 80's is not as old as it once was! My grandfather lived to 99. He didn't have dementia but he had a lot of other physical problems and just kept on going 😬
I hope you'll be able to move abroad as well!!
Is there any talk between you and your sister about doing a chunk of time each? Like caretake for 3 months, travel for 3 months?
We have not talked about that. Only because we don't have the money to do so. But even if we did, I'd feel guilty about going away for that length of time. I feel like even a month would be too long! We switch out every Sunday and by the time that day rolls around? I'm ready to tap out. LOL. Like, my spirit is drained. I'm mentally and physically exhausted and am ready to just go home and decompress. :/
That makes total sense and I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you!!! It really sounds like self-care is most important after your week!!
This is so very good and well articulated and thought out! Very helpful and I felt more calm after reading it. We are hoping/dreaming of moving from the US to Europe, ideally targeting France. We have a young daughter so we are taking that into consideration. We did take the first step of reaching out to an immigration lawyer and set up a consult to learn more about our visa options! So I’m proud of us for making that first step! Thank you for writing this! 😊
My cousin and sister LOVE living in France and I’ve considered it myself 🥰
I’m thrilled to hear the article was helpful and you found it well articulated and thought out, I spend so much time on my articles and LOVE to hear this kind of feedback 🤗
Thank you!! And I wish you all the best with your upcoming move!!!!
I wrote a bit about this recently and really saw us in your post—it hit close to home (literally and figuratively). When we moved abroad, both my husband and I had our moms back in the U.S. and let’s just say they were not handing out gold stars for our decision.
Still, I’ve always believed my mom raised me to fly (even if she didn’t mean this far), and I reminded my husband: we can’t put our lives on hold for them because let’s be honest, they wouldn’t do it for us.
It’s complicated, yes, but sometimes it’s just a matter of one longer flight… and they already had to fly to see us anyway.
I love that your mom raised you to fly, that's beautiful 🥰
My mom originally also said "there's no difference between you living in SF (she's in LA) or elsewhere in the US, it's still a plane ride" but when I moved to Europe, she changed her tune completely. I don't think she'll ever be happy with me living here and that's okay too because as you said--we can't put our lives on hold!!
Woo hoo! Another Marin girl! I’m a native of Inverness, though now I live in deepest, darkest, dampest La Honda (San Mateo county). I’ve wanted to live in France for the last 20 years. I even speak the language! I know my adult daughter (42 y.o.) would be supportive. But I’m married to a guy I still love, and he won’t move. Another issue is I have MS, and I’m on a REALLY effective med for it. I’m 67, and in many other countries, effective meds are discontinued by about age 65. Hell, at this point, I’d go without meds to be there! One day I’ll take the leap.
Wow, I was just researching France, it's so doable, especially if you speak the language! My cousin and sister live there.
Have you checked on your meds there? I ask because I hear over and over again from people who either couldn't get their specific medication in another country but found a better and less expensive alternative or found out they could get it.
I also hear a lot from women who want to move but their spouse doesn't. I don't know how to solve this one. I spent half of my life not moving abroad because the person I was married to didn't want to. I'm not saying I regret it but had I to do it over again I would have made a difference choice. However it wasn't a healthy marriage, so there's that.
I understand sacrifice, especially for the ones that are most important in our lives.
Maybe/hopefully he will change his mind someday. Or maybe there's a compromise where you can spend 3 months a year in France?
I love the three months/year idea! My effective med is given I.V. Every 6 months, so I’m covered there. One thing I swear has made our 40 year union successful, is that we give each other a hell of a lot of space. This could well work!
Oh I'm so sorry to hear that! Mine was anxious as well, very much so, and it was hard on him too but I wasn't going to stay in the US and I wasn't willing to leave him.
My husband and I have considered moving away, in our case from the nuttiness of Canada. BUT. We're in our sixties. He has serious medical conditions. We have a disabled son. We have 3 dogs. We don't like heat, humidity or bugs, and we do like speaking English. Plus, there's the incontrovertible fact that the whole world's going crazy - where would we go that's better than where we are now?
Hi Leila. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. I can’t tell you where to go but can suggest you do some research if you really want to leave. No place is perfect but if you chase your priorities you can find somewhere that’s “perfect for you and your family”. That’s my 2 cents anyway. For me I listed my #1’s and found them in Europe. 🇵🇹
If you want my suggestion, I would make a list of your top must haves (ie: healthcare, etc.) and then I would plug the list into AI and see what places pop up 😃
This is the definitive post people should read if they ever need a starting place to travel. Well done, Kimberly! There's so much invaluable information here! I grew up in Marin, so I can relate to the cost of living burden.
great and informative article! the part about adult kids was helpful for me to read, as this is my main pain point, even though i've made the decision to go.
Kimberly — this hits because you’re not selling a fantasy, you’re dismantling inertia. That’s the real work.
What I keep seeing (in myself and readers) is that most people aren’t blocked by logistics — they’re blocked by the holding pattern. Family responsibility, fear, stuff… all real, all human. But also all things that quietly expand to fill the years if they’re never interrogated.
I love how practical this is without being dismissive. You’re not saying “just leap,” you’re saying “name the tradeoffs honestly and choose anyway.” That’s the part people avoid.
Also: “You’re going to be that age anyway” should honestly be tattooed on half of midlife. Brutal. Liberating. True.
This is less about leaving the U.S. and more about leaving postponement. And that’s why it lands.
Loved the article, when we lived in Germany for 7 months, I had a house sitter that I trusted go through our mail and send a picture of anything pressing.
If we leave now, what do we do about mail? Taxes? That type of stuff?
Another semi-nomadic family with kids here. Like you suggested, we left California for Central America. My parents don’t need care yet, but they’re in that later-life sweet spot — and it’s hard not being closer. It’s even harder knowing their grandkids are growing up far away.
What I’ve found, though, is this: some relationships actually do better with a little distance. Regular Zoom calls, fewer in-person triggers, more intentional connection. And honestly, one of the greatest gifts is having parents or relatives who support your dreams — even when it means they don’t get as much time with you.
Until a couple of weeks ago, our obstacles to moving abroad were twofold: my job (which I loved and planned to continue doing for another 18 months), and the stuff/house/mortgage conundrum. Now that I’ve been laid off, the house and its mortgage are all that holds us back. It isn’t a great time to sell, but we’re aiming to do it anyway! After that, we could go almost anywhere.
Hi Arenosa, thank you so much for your comment and CONGRATULATIONS!! I've written a few articles on minimizing that you may find helpful and have a google doc/spreadsheet with resources as well. You're right, it isn't the best time to sell but I know others who are taking the leap now too. Would it be feasible to rent it out instead?
If we don’t sell, that’s what we’ll have to do. What we can’t do is stay put, since I can’t pay the mortgage without the job! I’ll look for your articles on minimizing and Google doc!
My reason for not doing it: the need to be employed and able to save for retirement. No matter how I try, I can’t find a way to live in Europe and be gainfully employed in a way that offers security. I don’t need to be rich. But I need to know I’ll have what I need once I age and can no longer work, knowing I don’t have family/kids to help me.
Hi Marie, thank you so much for your comment! All reasons for moving abroad or not moving abroad are valid and each of us have to do what's right for us.
I'm not trying to change ANYONE's mind!
For me, I had to make it work because the U.S. was sucking my soul instead of feeding it. Therefore, I am working online while living in Europe and for me the cradle to grave healthcare alone for $, that's 1,000,000 times better than any healthcare I ever received in the U.S. for $$$$$ is my security.
Thank you!! I appreciate your take on moving abroad and that you’re not trying to change anyone’s mind definitely came through! If you’re willing to share…how do you make working online work? Remote employers in the states typically don’t allow you to work from outside the country for tax purposes.
Come to Poland! Culture wise it might be easier than Nordics or France (think mid west), most 40 yr olds and younger speak English in major cities , and job market is great. Good size flat in Warsaw will cost you ~$275K and life is much cheaper than west EUR
Hi Adam! I am part Polish and recently looked to see if I could get my citizenship by ancestry but it doesn’t look like I can. Thank you for your comment, this is great to know!!!!
I was part of that 45% Aging parents group. My older sister and I co-caregivers of a parent (mother) with dementia. We take turns staying with them each week. They're both in their early 80's. Her condition is declining enough that we have use of Hospice services, but she's nowhere near "end of life". I'm with Sue, though. "Sue is going to be there for her until she passes and then move abroad." This is going to be me with both parents. I just turned 53. I'm really hoping I'll be able to get there.
Hi Ororo! Thank you so much your comment and poll vote!!!
I remember we talked about this before and I think it's amazing that both you and your sister are co-caregivers for your mother, though I'm so sorry to hear she has dementia and is declining.
Yes early 80's is not as old as it once was! My grandfather lived to 99. He didn't have dementia but he had a lot of other physical problems and just kept on going 😬
I hope you'll be able to move abroad as well!!
Is there any talk between you and your sister about doing a chunk of time each? Like caretake for 3 months, travel for 3 months?
We have not talked about that. Only because we don't have the money to do so. But even if we did, I'd feel guilty about going away for that length of time. I feel like even a month would be too long! We switch out every Sunday and by the time that day rolls around? I'm ready to tap out. LOL. Like, my spirit is drained. I'm mentally and physically exhausted and am ready to just go home and decompress. :/
That makes total sense and I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you!!! It really sounds like self-care is most important after your week!!
This is so very good and well articulated and thought out! Very helpful and I felt more calm after reading it. We are hoping/dreaming of moving from the US to Europe, ideally targeting France. We have a young daughter so we are taking that into consideration. We did take the first step of reaching out to an immigration lawyer and set up a consult to learn more about our visa options! So I’m proud of us for making that first step! Thank you for writing this! 😊
Hi Lindsey!!! Oh how exciting!!!!!
My cousin and sister LOVE living in France and I’ve considered it myself 🥰
I’m thrilled to hear the article was helpful and you found it well articulated and thought out, I spend so much time on my articles and LOVE to hear this kind of feedback 🤗
Thank you!! And I wish you all the best with your upcoming move!!!!
I wrote a bit about this recently and really saw us in your post—it hit close to home (literally and figuratively). When we moved abroad, both my husband and I had our moms back in the U.S. and let’s just say they were not handing out gold stars for our decision.
Still, I’ve always believed my mom raised me to fly (even if she didn’t mean this far), and I reminded my husband: we can’t put our lives on hold for them because let’s be honest, they wouldn’t do it for us.
It’s complicated, yes, but sometimes it’s just a matter of one longer flight… and they already had to fly to see us anyway.
Thanks for sharing this…beautifully said.
Awww thank you so much for sharing this Rich!!!
I love that your mom raised you to fly, that's beautiful 🥰
My mom originally also said "there's no difference between you living in SF (she's in LA) or elsewhere in the US, it's still a plane ride" but when I moved to Europe, she changed her tune completely. I don't think she'll ever be happy with me living here and that's okay too because as you said--we can't put our lives on hold!!
It IS complicated for sure!!
Woo hoo! Another Marin girl! I’m a native of Inverness, though now I live in deepest, darkest, dampest La Honda (San Mateo county). I’ve wanted to live in France for the last 20 years. I even speak the language! I know my adult daughter (42 y.o.) would be supportive. But I’m married to a guy I still love, and he won’t move. Another issue is I have MS, and I’m on a REALLY effective med for it. I’m 67, and in many other countries, effective meds are discontinued by about age 65. Hell, at this point, I’d go without meds to be there! One day I’ll take the leap.
Hi Lisa!!! Thank you so much for your comment!!!
I love Inverness!! 🥰
Wow, I was just researching France, it's so doable, especially if you speak the language! My cousin and sister live there.
Have you checked on your meds there? I ask because I hear over and over again from people who either couldn't get their specific medication in another country but found a better and less expensive alternative or found out they could get it.
I also hear a lot from women who want to move but their spouse doesn't. I don't know how to solve this one. I spent half of my life not moving abroad because the person I was married to didn't want to. I'm not saying I regret it but had I to do it over again I would have made a difference choice. However it wasn't a healthy marriage, so there's that.
I understand sacrifice, especially for the ones that are most important in our lives.
Maybe/hopefully he will change his mind someday. Or maybe there's a compromise where you can spend 3 months a year in France?
HUGS!!!
I love the three months/year idea! My effective med is given I.V. Every 6 months, so I’m covered there. One thing I swear has made our 40 year union successful, is that we give each other a hell of a lot of space. This could well work!
Awwww YAYAYAYYY!!!! YES YES YES!!!!
🤗 🤗 🤗
My dog
I moved to a new country with mine! https://open.substack.com/pub/expatonabudget/p/pet-travel-every-tip-trick-and-warning?r=9fb7x&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
🧡🧡🧡 I took him to Italy for 3 months and it was really hard on him. He's an anxious guy and it made it much worse. We will head south if need be.
Oh I'm so sorry to hear that! Mine was anxious as well, very much so, and it was hard on him too but I wasn't going to stay in the US and I wasn't willing to leave him.
My husband and I have considered moving away, in our case from the nuttiness of Canada. BUT. We're in our sixties. He has serious medical conditions. We have a disabled son. We have 3 dogs. We don't like heat, humidity or bugs, and we do like speaking English. Plus, there's the incontrovertible fact that the whole world's going crazy - where would we go that's better than where we are now?
Hi Leila. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. I can’t tell you where to go but can suggest you do some research if you really want to leave. No place is perfect but if you chase your priorities you can find somewhere that’s “perfect for you and your family”. That’s my 2 cents anyway. For me I listed my #1’s and found them in Europe. 🇵🇹
If you want my suggestion, I would make a list of your top must haves (ie: healthcare, etc.) and then I would plug the list into AI and see what places pop up 😃
This is the definitive post people should read if they ever need a starting place to travel. Well done, Kimberly! There's so much invaluable information here! I grew up in Marin, so I can relate to the cost of living burden.
Awwww thank you so much Daniel!!!!
WOW, another Marinite, we're everywhere LOL.
Maybe it's part of our impetus for leaving... in the way that we lived in paradise but in an unaffordable paradise. I wonder. What do you think?
great and informative article! the part about adult kids was helpful for me to read, as this is my main pain point, even though i've made the decision to go.
Hi, I'm glad it helped! I was in the middle of writing this when we all met on the call yesterday so I was definitely thinking of you! 🥰 🤗
aw well it certainly resonated so that makes sense! :)
Kimberly — this hits because you’re not selling a fantasy, you’re dismantling inertia. That’s the real work.
What I keep seeing (in myself and readers) is that most people aren’t blocked by logistics — they’re blocked by the holding pattern. Family responsibility, fear, stuff… all real, all human. But also all things that quietly expand to fill the years if they’re never interrogated.
I love how practical this is without being dismissive. You’re not saying “just leap,” you’re saying “name the tradeoffs honestly and choose anyway.” That’s the part people avoid.
Also: “You’re going to be that age anyway” should honestly be tattooed on half of midlife. Brutal. Liberating. True.
This is less about leaving the U.S. and more about leaving postponement. And that’s why it lands.
— Kelly
Loved the article, when we lived in Germany for 7 months, I had a house sitter that I trusted go through our mail and send a picture of anything pressing.
If we leave now, what do we do about mail? Taxes? That type of stuff?
Hi thank you 💙 There are lots of ways to deal with all of that!!
Thank you! I’m subscribed and 100percent on board! 64 and out the door! (Sacramento CA)
And thank you SO MUCH for subscribing!!!!
Oh YAYYAYYY!!! Huge Congratulations!!!!
Another semi-nomadic family with kids here. Like you suggested, we left California for Central America. My parents don’t need care yet, but they’re in that later-life sweet spot — and it’s hard not being closer. It’s even harder knowing their grandkids are growing up far away.
What I’ve found, though, is this: some relationships actually do better with a little distance. Regular Zoom calls, fewer in-person triggers, more intentional connection. And honestly, one of the greatest gifts is having parents or relatives who support your dreams — even when it means they don’t get as much time with you.
Wow, I love this!!!!
You are hugely fortunate and nailed it with: “some relationships do better with a little long distance”!!!!
I concur!
Hint: look out the window as America continues to spiral.down into yet more chaos. That should negate anything holding you back.
YES, exactly! Thank you! Devastating to witness though, even from afar.
Until a couple of weeks ago, our obstacles to moving abroad were twofold: my job (which I loved and planned to continue doing for another 18 months), and the stuff/house/mortgage conundrum. Now that I’ve been laid off, the house and its mortgage are all that holds us back. It isn’t a great time to sell, but we’re aiming to do it anyway! After that, we could go almost anywhere.
Hi Arenosa, thank you so much for your comment and CONGRATULATIONS!! I've written a few articles on minimizing that you may find helpful and have a google doc/spreadsheet with resources as well. You're right, it isn't the best time to sell but I know others who are taking the leap now too. Would it be feasible to rent it out instead?
If we don’t sell, that’s what we’ll have to do. What we can’t do is stay put, since I can’t pay the mortgage without the job! I’ll look for your articles on minimizing and Google doc!
My reason for not doing it: the need to be employed and able to save for retirement. No matter how I try, I can’t find a way to live in Europe and be gainfully employed in a way that offers security. I don’t need to be rich. But I need to know I’ll have what I need once I age and can no longer work, knowing I don’t have family/kids to help me.
Hi Marie, thank you so much for your comment! All reasons for moving abroad or not moving abroad are valid and each of us have to do what's right for us.
I'm not trying to change ANYONE's mind!
For me, I had to make it work because the U.S. was sucking my soul instead of feeding it. Therefore, I am working online while living in Europe and for me the cradle to grave healthcare alone for $, that's 1,000,000 times better than any healthcare I ever received in the U.S. for $$$$$ is my security.
Thank you!! I appreciate your take on moving abroad and that you’re not trying to change anyone’s mind definitely came through! If you’re willing to share…how do you make working online work? Remote employers in the states typically don’t allow you to work from outside the country for tax purposes.
Here's my article on my remote work: https://expatonabudget.substack.com/p/how-i-earn-remotely-my-10-income?r=9fb7x
I am freelance, I've almost always been a solopreneur. I've never worked for a company...
Come to Poland! Culture wise it might be easier than Nordics or France (think mid west), most 40 yr olds and younger speak English in major cities , and job market is great. Good size flat in Warsaw will cost you ~$275K and life is much cheaper than west EUR
Hi Adam! I am part Polish and recently looked to see if I could get my citizenship by ancestry but it doesn’t look like I can. Thank you for your comment, this is great to know!!!!