4 Excuses Keeping You in the U.S. (And How to Crush Them)

A tactical guide to dismantling the biggest hurdles standing between you and a life abroad.

Photo by Andrew Stutesman on Unsplash

Hello and thank you for being here! I’m Kimberly Anne—a U.S. expat who moved to Portugal solo in 2022, sight unseen and without a safety net. I started this Substack to document my own journey, but these days, I’m here to help you explore your own dreams of moving abroad. Thanks for joining me on the adventure! (Want more of the backstory? Click here.)

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A few weeks ago I ran a poll asking what’s keeping you from moving abroad. I wanted to add more than options but only four are available on Substack’s built-in polling. The results surprised me:

• affordability = 24%

• overwhelm/fear = 15%

• aging parents/adult kids = 45%

• stuff, house, possessions = 16%

This week’s article is about breaking down and addressing each reason and offering solutions.

I understand there’s no one size fits all and the solutions I provide may not work for you but maybe they will be helpful and it will allow you to brainstorm others.

I’ll go in order but feel free to skip to the topic that resonates most with you.

Affordability = 24%

24% of you answered yes to this being a major doorstop and I get it. That was my number one, both for leaving the U.S. and also for staying in the U.S. for as long as I did.

I’ll address some of the fears about affordability in the next section where I look at overall fear but first, a personal story and then some solutions.

I wanted to leave the US for ten years before I did. As I just said, in the end, my number one reason for leaving was affordability. I could no longer afford my $10,000 a month overhead living in Northern California’s stunning Marin County. I was spinning my wheels, burning the candle at both ends, all of that. I had to work two full time jobs, clocking an average of sixty hours a week, just to keep afloat. I understand that my overhead was probably higher than most. I had my own businesses and this included the business rent and supplies I had to incur. But my bestie lives in Oakland, across the bay from Marin and he recently confessed that in order to live minimally; without going out at all and only eating the most basic, inexpensive food, his overhead is $5,000 a month. He has no office rent to pay and fully owns his condo. These figures are not going to be what everyone has to earn to stay afloat, I’m well aware of this but the exact figure doesn’t matter. Most people are living hand to mouth. I was. So if the base minimum of your overhead is $2,000 and that’s exactly what you’re earning per month, you’re already behind and struggling.

The reason I bring this up is because you have to know these figures before you can budget for a move and then execute said move.

I will be writing an article focusing on budgeting in the near future but let’s just say (for the sake of an example) that you are earning $3,000 a month and spending it all. Where can you cut back. Can you cut back? If not, can you earn more?

I’m not saying you will have to have a set amount of money to move abroad. In some cases you do and in others you don’t. But I will say, it makes things easier.

There are several countries you can move to and live on $500 a month. Will you be living extravagantly? No but you will still have a good life and you will be spending a fraction of the whatever you’re spending now. I know of someone living on $500 a month in Siam Reap, Cambodia but a quick search lists other locations in Southeast Asia, Central and South America. As I’ve mentioned a lot, you can make $500 a month teaching English online. Check out Numbeo to get an idea of living costs in specific areas.

There are also many work/trade opportunities. Workaway and Wwoofing to name a few. I know a woman in her late fifties who worked her way around the world this way. Of course you have to have enough money fly to the country but if you use a credit card that accrues frequent flyer miles, you won’t have to pay for your plane tickets either. The work/trade economy is robust. It allows you to trade your skills as: an English teacher, a builder/painter, a gardener, an animal caretaker, a nanny, a cook and more for room and board. In many cases, they will even teach you or show you how to fulfill the tasks they need.

If you spend the next ten years waiting for the “right time” or waiting to have “the right amount of money”, you may never move forward and I don’t want that for you.

Overwhelm and/or Fear = 15%

Fifteen percent of you responded to overwhelm and fear being what’s holding you back the most. I absolutely relate to this as well. I was terrified to move to Portugal, alone, without a built in support group and without ever having visited the country before in my life. But I did it anyway.

I will never say it was easy but I will use my favorite quote here again. It’s by Tony Robbins and he said, “Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” I like to substitute the word pain for the word fear.

A word on fear. Fear can be crippling and it can keep people stuck in the same place for decades.

I know one such real life person, I’ll call her Margie. Since Covid, Margie has been afraid to leave their house, so she rarely does, even now. Before Covid she had a dream to move to many different places. On her list was Guatemala, Mexico and even Santa Fe. She still talks about these places, wistfully, using sentences like, “I wish I had had the courage to move when I still could.”

Sadly Margie is nearing ninety years old now and their life is full of regrets. I’m not saying this is you or that this will happen to you. But I am telling you about her in hopes that you don’t experience the same regrets.

Yes life can be scary. I’m not denying anyone’s fear.

But just because you’re too afraid to do something, that doesn’t mean you have to act on your fear and not do it. Don’t use fear as an excuse.

Overwhelm is a little different but I get that too. With overwhelm I can suggest making lists, breaking each to do item down into smaller to do’s and focusing on doing one thing at a time.

For example: I had no idea where to begin with my moving process so here’s what I did in the order I did it, to break everything down into smaller steps and tackle my feelings of overwhelm.

1. Made a list of all my options.

   1. move into a van.

   2. move into a tiny home.

   3. move into an RV.

   4. move to a studio apartment an hour or two north of where I was already living.

2. Then I wrote a pros and cons list of each. Here’s an example:

   1. Van = PROS: travel, live for $2,000 a month instead of $10k/month, meet new people, have amazing adventures, see the country. CONS: a lot of driving, the unknown, where will I sleep, I have no support group.

I did this for each of the options I came up with and settled on the van because it was the most exciting to me (it really lit me up) and had the least amount of cons.

Then I broke that down into lists:

1. Research Vans.

2. Watch hundreds of hours of Vanlife YouTubers.

3. Hire a Consultant.

4. Buy a used van on credit.

5. Convert the van.

6. Sell my car to pay for the van loan.

7. Get rid of everything (minimize)

8. Move into the van.

9. GO!

And I broke down each of those into steps as well and took copious notes on all my research and everything my consultant/coach told me.

Here’s another example with moving abroad:

1. Research visa options in Europe (I knew I wanted to be in Europe but if you don’t, you may want to narrow down the continent first).

2. Research affordability in Europe: where can I live on $2,000 a month. (For you it may be $5,000 or $500).

3. Research Healthcare options.

4. Watch a lot more YouTube videos!

5. Once I decided on Portugal I created a list of everything I needed to do (in order) to get my visa.

These are just ideas and hopefully you get the picture. This is how I overcome overwhelm but I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments!

Family: aging parents/adult kids = 45%

This scored the highest and I’m not surprised. People feel very responsible to their families. Maybe this is where I am lucky. I was dealt a bum hand in this department (the short straw) and maybe the trauma (PTSD YAY) made it easier for me to leave. But enough about that!

I want to talk about how I and some other people I know are dealing with these issues and what their solutions are.

But first, when I decided to move abroad I was torn. My mother, who I won’t talk about much because she’s still alive, and I have a complicated relationship fraught with mental health challenges. I felt guilty for wanting to leave and she was angry (and continues to be unsupportive of my choice to move) but my sister said something that gut punched me…

She said, “Mom’s lived her life, now it’s time for you to live yours.”

I’ve spent my life creating a chosen family, because I had to. Thus, I am fortunate enough to have several very close friends. My male bestie and I saw each other every other week when I lived in California but when we couldn’t, we watched movies together while sitting on zoom and talking. We played co-op video games together from across the bay, each in our separate living rooms. Our favorites were Borderlands 2 and 3 but we recently finished It Takes Two. I played Red Dead Redemption Online with friends in the US, Germany and Spain while wearing a headset to talk and laugh. I realize this may sound more like a twenty-something phenomenon but I’ve been a gamer since I was a kid. I also worked in the game industry for over twenty years, but that’s another story for another time.

Aging Parents

I’ve had several clients who were worried about this and I met one woman recently, I’ll call her Sue, who is her mother’s caretaker.

Years ago I had a patient I’ll call Lisa who was her mother’s caretaker too. Lisa was miserable. Her mother was extremely abusive and Lisa, then in her sixties, had put all of her dreams aside to care for her. Lisa’s dream was to move to Mexico. She talked about it incessantly and I always encouraged her to go. But instead of leaving, she became an alcoholic. It’s been ten years and the last time we spoke, Lisa’s mother had passed away but she felt it was too late for her to move. She still lives in Northern California, drinking heavily and filled with regrets.

Sue on the other hand, loves her mother dearly and her mother is wonderful. Sue sold her house and moved to Florida. Her mom is in her late nineties and Sue is going to be there for her until she passes and then move abroad.

What I advise people (and please take my advice with a grain of salt if it doesn’t suit you) is not to put your life on hold if you don’t have to.

If your parent or parents are older and in good health you can move somewhere that isn’t terribly far. For example if they live on the West Coast of the U.S. you could move to Central America. If they live in the south, you could move to Central or South America. If they live on the east coast, you could move to Europe. Those are just a few examples but you get the picture. Maybe a five hour flight feels safe to you or maybe an eight hour flight does.

Whatever you choose, you can schedule weekly or even daily calls with them. WhatsApp is free and used in the rest of the world. You can catch up with them over video as often as you’d like.

Make it non-negotiable to go back once or even twice a year to visit. If they’re able, fly them out to see you and go on a grand adventure. My friend Hilary did that recently. Her mother-in-law flew to Porto, stayed with her and her husband and they traveled through Portugal together.

I visit my mom once a year for three weeks. It’s what feels right to me. And interestingly, moving away has brought us closer.

Kids

My friend Siobhan, who is a full-time digital nomad is very close to her twenty-seven year old daughter. They talk every single night over WhatsApp. When Siobhan stayed with me I would hear them laughing on the phone until 2am (our time). They text all day long and have remained very close. Her daughter has come to visit her on many occasions (wherever she lands in the world) and Siobhan goes back to the U.S. for at least one month each year to see her.

Her daughter wants her to live her life and explore and be happy. Their supportive relationship, even long-distance, has also brought them closer.

My cousin moved to Paris two years ago and her twenty-five year old daughter is trying to move there now too. She’s visited and they talk frequently.

I can’t tell you what’s right for you but I can refer you to the quote my sister told me above… And isn’t it time we live our lives?

Little Kids

Some of you may be parents who are worried you can’t travel with your kids. I do not have kids so again… grain of salt BUT I do know that Tanessa Shears of The Freedom Diaries is a full time digital nomad with her two little kids and has found it so rewarding! She wrote an article about world schooling her kids and I suggest you read it! I bet her kids grow up smarter, more well rounded and less afraid of the world and its differences than the rest of us. Or maybe I’m just speaking for myself. I wish my parents had world schooled me!!

Sarah Bringhurst Familia also travels with her two children. In this article she writes, “We’d been married a year and had a six-week-old baby when we set off on our first big adventure together: a field study trip in the Philippines. We were there four months, and it was everything we’d imagined, and more. Which I guess is how we became the kind of people who gallivant around the world with babies and toddlers in tow.”

I used to follow two different vanlife families on youtube who traveled full-time with their kids. One had three kids and the other had four! I couldn’t find the ones I used to follow but a quick search found this woman!

These are just a few examples, if you look you’ll find many more. And this is just to show you that having kids doesn’t have to stop you either.

Stuff: stuff, house, possessions = 16%

This one is scary too, I won’t lie. But it’s also non-negotiable. There are so many options though. If you just can’t deal, you can always hire someone (if you can afford it) to help you. Or ask a good friend to help. They can sort what you need or don’t need, help you get rid of things, sell things or move stuff to storage. If you own your own home and you’re planning to rent it out you can keep your furniture and lock valuables in a garage or basement.

I love talking about minimizing and wrote a series of articles (and created a google doc with resources) to help you. 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽 I also have a full class module dedicated to it.

• Minimizing Mistakes Part 1

• Minimizing Mistakes and Solutions Part 2

• Minimizing: A Case Study (Mine!) and 45 Resources

• Minimizing Resource Google Spreadsheet

I’m Too Old

This wasn’t on the list but it’s something I hear often and it’s something that holds a lot of people back. I’m going to tell you something I heard years ago from a very wise woman I’ll call Ruby.

When I said, “I’m scared to go back to college and get a master’s degree in my forties. I’ll be forty-six by the time I graduate and will be starting another new business at that age.” Little did I know that after I obtained that degree and built up a very successful business, I’d move on to start another FOUR 😵‍💫 in my late forties and all through my fifties.

Without missing a beat, Ruby responded, “You’re going to be forty-six anyway. Do you want to be forty-six with a master’s degree or do you want to be forty-six wishing you had one?”

Ruby was in her sixties at the time and had gone back to school to get her flipping Ph.D! She asked herself the same thing and decided she’d rather be sixty-five with a PhD. Honestly, who can argue with that logic?

Comfort Zone

This is a big one too, so I wrote this article about it.

Solo?

You’re alone? No sweat, me too! I moved to Portugal by myself, without a support group at age fifty-six.

Pets?

Same! I moved with my very old dog!

Healthcare Concerns?

I’ve been very vocal about the fact that the healthcare I receive in Portugal is a thousand times better than the healthcare I received in the U.S. for a fraction of the cost.

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I hope I’ve been able to offer you solutions that you can use to whatever is holding you back! Now get to researching, minimizing and buy your plane ticket!

If you have other fears, or worries I didn’t list in the body of this article, I’ve probably already written about them and included links below in resources but if there’s anything I’ve left out that you’d like me to address please let me know in the comments section 🤗

Resources

• Comfort Zone Article

• Fear of the Unknown

• Community

• Language

• Healthcare

• Plans b, c, d

• Why moving abroad now beats waiting for the right time (linked article below)

• Numbeo: the world's largest cost of living database and a crowdsourced global resource for quality of life data. It provides insights into cost of living, housing price indicators, perceived crime rates, healthcare quality, transport quality, and various other key statistics.

• Workaway: The largest and safest community for cultural exchange, working holidays, volunteering and house sitting in 170 countries.

• Wwoofing: A world filled with nature, fresh air, good food, hands-on farming, and community.

• Moving with Pets

• Moving Solo

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Thank you so much for reading! If you don’t want to become a paid subscriber (my articles will always be free) but enjoyed this article, please consider a one time donation below.

I’m excited to help you make your dream of moving abroad a reality! 🎉 Book a video consultation with me to get personalized guidance for your big move, or check out my super affordable, self-paced class to learn key steps and strategies for relocating abroad. Let’s make it happen!

• Consulting Information: Discover how I can help make your move abroad smoother and stress-free.

• Work With Me: I offer personalized à la carte consultations and ridiculously affordable packages to fit your needs!

• My Class: Learn step-by-step strategies to move abroad on a budget—all at your own pace! (The class will remain $97 for lifetime access to the full masterclass until it’s complete, and then I will be raising the price. It’s over 1/2 finished and available now)

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—If you want to learn another language before you embark (or after) on your new adventure, I highly recommend the platform Preply! It’s what I use to learn Portuguese and it’s also the platform I teach on. Please use my referral code for $17 off your first lesson!

—I use Wise to transfer money internationally between bank accounts and they also offer a free ATM card that can be used worldwide without fees. Please use my referral code for a free transfer of up to $600.

—I’ve started using Kindred Home Exchange in order to secure affordable accommodations! If you’re interested and want to sign up, you will get five nights with my referral code!

—For travel hacking, I use my Chase Sapphire Preferred credit card. I earn enough points by using the card regularly (with no foreign transaction fees) to get a “free” RT ticket from Europe to the US at least once a year.

—I use the eSim Nomad. I’ve tried several others, and Nomad is the only one that’s ever worked for me.

—I use SafetyWing for my travel medical insurance abroad. You can check them out here.

—If you’re traveling or moving to a new country, I highly recommend choosing ExpressVPN. It’s the VPN service that I use. Click here for more information and get three extra months on an affordable twelve month subscription.

Oh and I just started my YouTube Channel 😬

If you’re interested in my “Why I Left the US and Won’t Ever Return” Series, please check out..

1. Cost of living: Article here

2. Healthcare (or lack thereof) here.

3. Safety—article here.

4. Polarization—too much hate and anger

5. Community

6. Values

If you’re interested in moving abroad, check out my free Expat on a Budget pub or podcast on Substack

The How to Live Abroad Publication is here.

• Part 1—Want to move abroad? Start here!

• Part 2—Conquer your fears about moving abroad!

• Part 3—12 Minimizing Mistakes Part 1

• Part 4—12 Minimizing Mistakes Part 2

• Part 5—A Personal Case study (re: Minimizing)

• Part 6—Your Move Abroad: The Ultimate Checklist

If you’re on a budget (as am I) I’d be super grateful if you like the article by clicking on the heart below and/or share it with a friend or re-stack it! 🥰

Your support (in all ways) is greatly appreciated! 

—Expat on a Budget (AKA) Living Abroad on a Budget and My Unknown Adventure by Kimberly Anne

*** This article contains a few affiliate links. Using my affiliate links is not required and does not cost you anything extra but I greatly appreciate it, if you do. It’s a (free to you) way to help support my writing.

***Disclaimer: My writing, and podcasts are based on personal experience and are for informational purposes only. I am not a lawyer. Please seek professional advice before making decisions about moving abroad. I am not responsible for any outcomes resulting from the use of this information.