Ready to Leave the U.S. and Move Abroad? Here’s Why Comfort Might Be Your Biggest Block.
From Couch to Courage: How to Re-Define Your Comfort Levels and Embrace the Expat or Nomad Life.
Intro
Hello all! For those of you who are new to my Substack, I’m Kimberly Anne. I want to say a huge thank you to everyone for being part of this adventure! I started writing on Substack in 2022 to share my journey but as most things… my focus has shifted to help others achieve their dreams of moving abroad.
I’m a U.S. “expat” who moved to Portugal in 2022. I moved here solo, sight unseen and without a support group. Prior to moving to Europe I traveled the US in a converted van for a year, also solo! To learn even more about me, please click here.
Why Comfort?
The reason that comfort is such an important topic to write about in the arena of moving abroad or becoming a digital nomad is because it’s often what stops people from moving forward.
This is a topic I’ve been working on, thinking about, and talking about for four years. And it’s so layered and varied and subjective that every time I start writing about it, I throw my hands up in the air and stuff my face with chocolate instead. Which is a really good way to look at this topic. When I become uncomfortable about writing about comfort, I find something to do instead that brings me comfort.
What Is Comfort?
The biggest issue with comfort is that it’s completely subjective. Comfort for me will not be the same as it is for you. The meaning is also subjective. I defined it purely as physical, but it’s not just physical. There’s psychological comfort, philosophical comfort, spiritual comfort, and so on.
The dictionary definitions (Cambridge) are:
A pleasant feeling of being relaxed and free from pain.
A situation in which you have everything you need in life.
For some, comfort is purely physical. For others, it’s a state of mind they carry with them wherever they go. A recent conversation with my partner surprised me and spurred me to finally write this article. They feel that comfort is solely psychological—a state of being. They explained:
“I’m comfortable when I’m hiking alone in nature, when I’m driving in my car to visit you, sitting here and talking to you, doing the work I love to do, having dinner with my mother, going to a bar, or going out dancing with friends….”
I love this so much, and it resonates with me. My writing coach recently pointed out something similar:
“How many people can move into a van and then halfway around the world without a home for six months? How many people can move to a new country, alone, without a place to live and without knowing the language?”
He’s probably right. Not everyone finds comfort in the unknown. But for me, comfort isn’t a fixed place or thing—it’s the quiet I find in the middle of chaos, the peace I carry with me even when circumstances aren’t ideal.
A Story About Comfort
One of my first conversations about comfort was with my bestie, Susan. We were sitting on my very comfortable couch in my apartment, sipping tea. I was talking about the next phase of my life, and she was talking about the next phase of hers. It was before I had decided to move into a van, but I was contemplating it. Susan was contemplating yet another move to a new apartment. In the five years I knew her, she moved at least four times.
After I shared my desire to move into a van or even a tiny home, she said, “I could never live in such a small space.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“It wouldn’t be comfortable,” she replied.
“Are you comfortable now?”
She looked around my apartment and smiled. Her feet were tucked beneath her body, which is how she usually sat on my couch. Taking a slow sip of tea, she nodded.
“What’s the difference between sitting on this couch in this apartment and sitting on a couch or a swivel seat or a bed in a van?” I asked.
She just shook her head. “It’s just not for me. I need space to walk around, space to put my stuff. My clothes, my art supplies. How would I wash my hair?" She shook her head again. “No, I could never do that.”
Susan’s definition of comfort was ease and emotional peace. She needed to be surrounded by the things she loved (and she owned little). Hair washing and styling had to be easy, even the water pressure had to be just right.
Susan was an amazing person, and she taught me a lot. But one thing she wasn’t was compromising. She couldn’t stand discomfort of any kind, and in the end, it’s what killed her. I’m not saying this to be dramatic or even to suggest that other people who can’t find comfort in discomfort will choose to end their lives. But I do believe that inflexibility is what stops many people from moving abroad or embracing a new way of life.
The Different Types of Comfort
I’ve realized there are many types of comfort. Some people find it in physical ease—like Susan needing perfect water pressure. Others see it as psychological, while some individuals define it through stability and routine, or even monetary security, like the couple I’m about to tell you about.
I think about this couple a lot when I think about comfort because their lives, from the outside, are the epitome of comfort—monetary comfort with stability and routine.
They own a huge home with a perfectly manicured backyard in a safe part of Los Angeles. They eat extremely well, cooking most nights but also going out to dinner at least once a week. Their house is decorated to the nines. They’re retired and spend days in leisure—working in the garden, painting, reading, napping, and watching TV.
But they’re miserable. The wife puts the husband down all day and constantly tries to pick fights. The husband spends the first half of every day away from the home. When I asked him why he stayed in this toxic relationship, his answer was:
“I’m comfortable here, and being comfortable is the most important thing to me in life.”
This confounded me. How can you be comfortable in an abusive, dysfunctional relationship? Then I remind myself… oh yeah, I was too, for close to twenty years.
Comfort vs. Stagnation
Some people’s definition of comfort is my definition of stagnation.
I know more people than I can count who say they’re most comfortable sitting on their couch watching TV. And I get that—I do. There are plenty of times I need to tune out. But there also comes a point where I can’t do it anymore. I need to move the needle forward.
For me, comfort isn’t about staying still. It’s about finding peace in motion, growth in discomfort, and joy in the unknown.
Redefining Comfort
As I rewrite this article for the umpteenth time I’m sitting on a bench in my friend’s caravan with my dog curled beside me. I am not physically comfortable at the moment. The bench is hard, my back aches from a six-hour road trip and I had nothing to eat today other than crackers and olive spread. And yet… I’m still comfortable. I ask myself why, and it’s because I can appreciate the quiet that surrounds me, setting my nervous system at ease.
My apartment in Porto is super noisy, all the time. Loud traffic, louder people, a baby that screams non-stop for eight to twelve hours, day and night, barking dogs, garbage trucks, sirens... it’s a long list.
I needed a break from it, even a one week break. But don’t get me wrong, I’m comfortable in my apartment too. I’m comfortable sitting on a beach or under a tree in the forest. I am not, however, comfortable crammed into an economy seat on an airplane and I’m small… so yeah, I may be a little odd, but I’m not bonkers!
Talking With Another Nomad
Recently, I was discussing this topic with another writer on Substack.
is a full-time nomad with her family of four. She searches for comfort and finds it in each place she visits.I said to her, “I also see how much I’m growing and learning (and I know you agree) by experiencing discomfort and the unknown.”
She responded:
“Yeah, it’s always something new every day. And surprisingly, much of it comes from managing my own emotions around the variety of discomfort I get to experience on a week-to-week basis! I am absolutely learning non-stop every day here! It’s not stagnant, that’s for sure!”
I’m reading Tanessa’s amazing post about 'unbecoming,' and I think it’s a great addition to this article. I love this quote in particular: 'A building does not make a home. Stuff does not make a home.' While family makes a home for her, for me, it’s found family—community. That’s something I only learned after leaving the U.S.
Conclusion
Comfort is such an important topic because it’s at the core of what moves us forward—or what holds us back. It’s not something anyone else can define for you, and it’s not just physical. Comfort is layered. It’s emotional, psychological, spiritual, and deeply personal. And yet, it’s often what we cling to when we’re afraid of change, or what we seek when life feels overwhelming.
And that’s what makes comfort such an essential topic in the context of moving abroad, becoming a digital nomad, or even just making a big life change: comfort has the power to either propel us forward or hold us back. It can serve as a warm blanket that soothes our fears, or as an invisible chain that keeps us tethered to stagnation. The choice lies in how we define it—and what we do with it.
For me, comfort isn’t about avoiding discomfort. It’s about finding ease in the unknown, peace in the chaos, and sometimes even joy in the challenges. It’s about understanding that discomfort isn’t the enemy—it’s often the way we grow. Moving abroad, living in a van, traveling without a home, figuring things out on the fly—none of these things are traditionally “comfortable.” But they’ve all taught me to redefine what comfort means to me.
Comfort is the thread that runs through so many of our decisions. It shapes what we do, where we go, and how we live. And when we can learn to balance comfort with growth—when we can find comfort even in discomfort—that’s when we can truly move forward.
Questions for You to Think/Journal About
What does comfort mean to you? Is it physical, emotional, or something else entirely?
Are you truly “comfortable” where you are now, or are you just afraid of losing what feels familiar?
What’s one thing you’re holding onto that’s keeping you from moving abroad? Is it really as important as it feels?
What’s one area of your life where comfort has turned into stagnation?
If you could redefine comfort, what would it look like in a new, unfamiliar place?
What scares you most about leaving your comfort zone to move abroad?
What’s the worst thing that could happen if you gave up your current comforts to live your dream? And what’s the best thing that could happen?
What’s one small step you can take today to get closer to your dream of moving abroad?
Do you believe it’s possible to feel “comfortable” in discomfort? Why or why not?
What’s one fear about moving abroad that feels tied to your attachment to comfort?
If someone told you that staying comfortable would eventually lead to regret, would you still choose it?
Thank you so much for reading! If you don’t want to become a paid subscriber (my articles will always be free) but enjoyed this article, please consider a one time donation below.
I’m excited to help you make your dream of moving abroad a reality! 🎉 Book a video consultation with me to get personalized guidance for your big move, or check out my super affordable, self-paced class to learn key steps and strategies for relocating abroad. Let’s make it happen!
Consulting Information: Discover how I can help make your move abroad smoother and stress-free.
Work With Me: I offer personalized á la carte consultations and ridiculously affordable packages to fit your needs!
My Class: Learn step-by-step strategies to move abroad on a budget—all at your own pace!
If you’re interested in my “Why I Left the US and Won’t Ever Return” Series, please check out..
Cost of living: Article here
Healthcare (or lack thereof) here.
Safety—article here.
Polarization—too much hate and anger
—If you want to learn another language before you embark (or after) on your new adventure, I highly recommend the platform Preply! It’s what I use to learn Portuguese and it’s also the platform I teach on. Please use my referral code for $17 off your first lesson!
—I use Wise to transfer money internationally between bank accounts and they also offer a free ATM card that can be used worldwide without fees. Please use my referral code for a free transfer of up to $600.
—I’ve started using Kindred Home Exchange in order to secure affordable accommodations! If you’re interested and want to sign up, you will get five nights with my referral code!
—I use Safety Wing for my travel medical insurance abroad. You can check them out here.
—For travel hacking I use my Chase Sapphire Preferred credit card. I earn enough points by using the card regularly (with no foreign transaction fees) to get a “free” RT ticket from Europe to the US at least once a year.
If you’re interested in moving abroad, check out my free Expat on a Budget pub or podcast on Substack
The How to Live Abroad Publication is here.
Part 1—Want to move abroad? Start here!
Part 2—Conquer your fears about moving abroad!
Part 3—12 Minimizing Mistakes Part 1
Part 4—12 Minimizing Mistakes Part 2
Part 5—A Personal Case study (re: Minimizing)
Part 6—Your Move Abroad: The Ultimate Checklist
If you’re on a budget (as am I) please like by clicking on the heart below and share this article with a friend.
Your support (in all ways) is greatly appreciated!
—Expat on a Budget AKA Living Abroad on a Budget and My Unknown Adventure by Kimberly Anne
*** This article contains a few affiliate links. Using my affiliate links is not required and does not cost you anything extra but I greatly appreciate it, if you do. It’s a (free to you) way to help support my writing.
Hubby and I moved to Portugal three years ago. During the upheaval I found that, for me, comfort was being with Hubby and our cats. That defines home. I would like high-speed internet, but we're doing well overall.
LOVE this article! I am originally from Hong Kong. I worked in a job that consumed my life. My only desire was to leave and move to another country. It was hard to make up this decision though. This involved a lot of researching and planning, and most importantly, courage.
When I have made up my mind and did all the preparation needed, I resigned from my job. People thought I was crazy. They said I had a good job, a good prospect, a good life. Why should I risk it? I would have to start from scratch again in a new country.
I asked my colleagues if they were happy. No. Everybody hated their job. But then, nobody was leaving. They were scared. They were "comfortable". Yes, exactly like what you described in your article.
Years later, I established my life in Germany. I had a great family, great lifestyle, great job. My colleague back in Hong Kong said, "What a great decision you have made a few years ago!"
Well...there is cost to be comfortable and stay in your comfort zone.