Hubby and I moved to Portugal three years ago. During the upheaval I found that, for me, comfort was being with Hubby and our cats. That defines home. I would like high-speed internet, but we're doing well overall.
LOVE this article! I am originally from Hong Kong. I worked in a job that consumed my life. My only desire was to leave and move to another country. It was hard to make up this decision though. This involved a lot of researching and planning, and most importantly, courage.
When I have made up my mind and did all the preparation needed, I resigned from my job. People thought I was crazy. They said I had a good job, a good prospect, a good life. Why should I risk it? I would have to start from scratch again in a new country.
I asked my colleagues if they were happy. No. Everybody hated their job. But then, nobody was leaving. They were scared. They were "comfortable". Yes, exactly like what you described in your article.
Years later, I established my life in Germany. I had a great family, great lifestyle, great job. My colleague back in Hong Kong said, "What a great decision you have made a few years ago!"
Well...there is cost to be comfortable and stay in your comfort zone.
Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your experiences!
I don't think most people understand when they're in the thick of it, that it can be any other way. I certainly didn't and it sounds like your friends in HK didn't either.
It's not easy to leave but we are the ones who asked ourselves: in the long run won't it really be harder to stay?
I'm thrilled to hear you got out of the rat race and are thriving in Germany with a new life!!
I love this Kimberly! I'm moving to Lisbon in a few months and the top thing I have anxiety about is feeling cold in my apartment, like I've heard people talk about there. I get so grumpy and uncomfortable when I'm cold! It was interesting to read this and think about the various aspects of comfort. By the way, I live in Sonoma County for 11 years and my best friend lived in Fairfax so I've spent a lot of time in your former hood! :)
Hi Karen!!! First of all, huge congratulations on your upcoming move!!! Secondly, Lisbon is a walk in the park compared to the cold of Porto!!!
Unless you have an open floor plan, all the rooms have doors. When I first moved into my apartment I asked my landlady if she could remove them and she, thankfully refused. They are my savior when it comes to heating up just the rooms I spend the most time in during the days in winter; which is my office and my living room.
Get one or two (one for each room you spend time in) of those portable oil radiators (go for a name brand like Rowenta) and definitely buy one or two dehumidifiers (also name brand). If I could only buy one item here, it would be a dehumidifier. The bigger the better, on wheels with the setting for "laundry" (drying) as a choice. I run both of mine 24/7 from October through March. My clothes dry in 1.5 days and I've never had mold issues in my apartment.
Awww Sonoma and Fairfax, that's where I lived (it sounds like you already knew that as I do mention it a lot LOL). I wonder if you and I crossed paths!!!??
Thank you and thanks for generously sharing so much about how to manage the cold/humidity - i really appreciate it and i've written down your recommendations! i also didn't know that Porto was significantly colder than Lisbon, that's interesting to hear. Yeah re Fairfax, I would be surprised if we hadn't crossed paths at wu wei or good earth! and i'm sure if we sat down and started naming names we'd find some people in common. small world there! maybe once i get settled in lisbon we can connect in Porto - I'd love to take a trip up there!
Hi Karen, you’re so welcome! Yeah Porto and Lisbon are night and day when it comes to weather. I describe it as Lisbon is like Los Angeles, Porto is like San Francisco and the Algarve is like San Diego. It’s not 100% of course since CA is a desert and Portugal is humid as F so when it’s cold here, it’s COLD; but it give you a better idea.
I loved Wu Wei and of course Good Earth so yes I’m sure we did and I’m sure we know some of the same people too though I didn’t ever really find a community in Marin, mostly just acquaintances. The polar opposite of here!
Please do tell me when you’re coming to Porto, I’d love to meet up!
The community piece is a big part of my decision to go so that’s great to hear. Thx for all the info. Looking forward to meeting you in person one day!
Comfort is both physical and emotional for me. I just moved out of South Florida where I lived 30+ years to north Florida and was so surprised at how happy I can be here. But it was definitely once the house was unpacked and particularly the pictures of my kids - emotional. Physical sometimes stops me from considering Europe longer term. My ankles are hypermobile. When I visit, I have to wrap them to not twist them on the cobblestones and eventually the wraps get uncomfortable. Can I handle that? Can I hobble around if I do sprain one? Should I get surgery in the US as one of my prep steps to move? (8) Take your course which was in my calendar to do in May 😊.
Hi!! Yes I understand how comfort can be both emotional and physical, especially with your experiences.
I am so sorry to hear about your ankles! Wow, I didn't even know about this. Are there special boots you can have made?
I will say:
1. Portugal's "cobblestone" is called calçada and different from traditional cobblestone but it's still quite challenging. It's not on every street though which is the same in most cities with cobblestone.
2. Here are a few cities that don't have cobblestone in Europe: Stockholm is noted for having mostly smooth walking surfaces, especially outside the historic 'Gamla Stan' area. Additionally, cities like Salzburg and Munich in Austria have smooth sidewalks, though not everywhere. In Spain, most cities have smooth surfaces.
Vienna and Berlin are also mentioned for having smooth sidewalks and walkways.
3. If you're moving to Europe and need surgery, it's going to be less expensive here (unless you're fully covered for it in the US) and you'd have to recover in a foreign country on crutches, which would not be fun!
4. Thank you so much re: my course! I'm not completely finished with it yet but there's a lot available and I upload new lessons regularly! Please let me know if you have any questions!
Yes, I'm a big fan of Malcom Gladwell and his books that ask you to look at the world in ways you probably haven't. And yes, don't wait too long. I hear ya. I'll be 60 in three years, and it'll be time for another life.
When I think of comfort, I'm thinking so very hard at "Do I really want to walk away from my entire life?" I like where I am, and I really want America to change for the better so I don't have to think about leaving. At the same time, I've been around the world 13 times with the Navy, so I'm up for adventure. And my wife has never been anywhere, so she wants to go do stuff. But damn, it's hard to get off the couch. You nailed it. It is. We like our jobs, our life. I dunno if we are willing to chuck and just go.
But, great point. And great questions! I think I answered the first three. Here are the rest, if you'll indulge me.
Stagnation? We never do anything new. I mean, we do. We just went to India for two weeks, but I mean consistently new -- exploring, seeing new things, trying new stuff. We know what we like, and we love that stuff. But we want more experiences.
I don't anything scares me, or us. She's a nurse. I'm a language teacher. We can get jobs.
Today, it's all about planning -- planning for the near future. I can retire in three years and start a new career, or I can just write novels and be a kite surfer, which is the vision for my future as an old guy. Both my wife and I are totally comfortable in chaos. We're the kind of people you want around when shit goes bad. We can do what's needed, and we're not afraid. I already know that sitting here comfortably will lead to regret. I've already lost everything in my life twice, so I don't care about anything I own. I dunno what the hold-up is, but part of it is us loving what we do and where we are. I give it three more years. We're close to being done here, if you know what I mean -- and I mean work and living in the city and all that. We're close. Once we change our minds, we'll just go.
Thanks for writing these. I really enjoy this blog.
Hi and thank you so much for your truth, vulnerability and response to the questions!!
Leaving is hard, there's no question but you're asking yourself the tough questions and thinking about it, that's the first step and you're taking it so YES and YAY!
You don't have to make the decision right this moment and you're right, when you're ready (when you change your minds), you'll just go.
Did you ever read Malcolm Gladwell's book "The Tipping Point"? I think it can be applied here. When a bunch of small actions finally lead to a big change (I'm paraphrasing).
I LOVE that you're in your planning stage. Three years will come quickly and why not retire and be a novelist and kite surfer! LOL.
The fact that you and your wife are both comfortable in chaos is huge because you can pivot at any time (this week's article is about having that ability).
But you also hit the nail on the head: you love what you do and where you are. And as you know, from everything you've experienced in life, it's not always that way and it won't always be that way.
So it sounds like you already know what the answer is. Three more years!!
And during that time, you can keep branching out, like your trip to India. Maybe add some new things to do where you are. Like if you have time, pursue a hobby. Kite surfing! Outlining that novel.... though it sounds like you're already writing novels! Ceramics, painting, etc. Going to new restaurants, trying new foods, meeting new friends? I'm just spit-balling here.
Thank you so much for being a reader!! You'll both figure this out but please... my only unsolicited advice is: don't wait too long.
Wonderfully thought provoking - as always! I especially like your comparison of comfort with stagnation. Learning to balance comfort with growth is also super important. Pema Chodron talks about this in her "Welcoming the Unwelcome" teachings - how our "comfort zone" shrinks if we never push into the "learning zone" but how we also don't want to overextend ourselves and get into the "excessive risk zone" lest the overwhelm stop us completely. In the US especially, we're taught that any discomfort whatsoever is horrible. Living in countries that don't believe this, I've begun to understand that uncomfortable doesn't necessarily mean unbearable. Rather, the discomfort has expanded my comfort zone far beyond what I ever thought possible. Thank you for, once again, giving me so much food for thought!
Oh these are such wonderful gems/insights, thank you so much Rebecca!!
I love the Pema Chodron insight, that's right on key. (is right on key a saying? I've been up since 3am with insomnia so I'm not sure about much atm LOL)
And then you're right about discomfort in the US especially being "intolerable". That's a really good point!
Thank you for your input, I love our philosophical conversations so much!!
This is a wonderful article relating to comfort, how individuals view comfort differently. I think that there is physical comfort (temperature, space, view, surroundings, etc.) as well as emotional comfort (stress free). To be relaxed we must be at ease in both of those realms.
I understand what you’re saying! And it really is subjective, even in these areas, right?
Some people prefer the cold, others prefer the heat or… one woman I know can’t get comfortable (temperature wise) no matter what. She complains when it’s too cold for her (75 degrees Fahrenheit and below) or when it’s too hot for her (76 degrees Fahrenheit and above). LMAO —in this case I would say that person’s comfort is psychological.
For me: I can be comfortable without a view, with very little space and even at temperatures that aren’t ideal… but yes I would still agree with you that for most people it could be both physical and emotional :)
By emotional/psychological I mean the comfort that comes from my preference of avoiding crowds, of conversing with down to earth people, of seeking nature in my view (trees), quiet. Physically, I enjoy sitting on a comfortable couch, a pleasant temperature, a walk, a swim. Of course, these things intermingle.
It is an interesting post Kimberly Ann. Thank you.
Thank you for explaining Catherine Ann! I love that comfort is so subjective, it's quite fascinating. Your definitions make me let out a long sigh of relief so yes, I understand what you're saying.
Comfort is the reason I am looking to leave, I have severe untreated chronic pain, and need to find a place to get medications so I can maybe live a few more years with some level of comfort.
Hi Eric, I'm so sorry to hear about your chronic pain! I'm not sure how to find a place where you can get the meds you need. I wasn't given ANY pain meds in Portugal when my fingers were broken and one was sticking straight up and I was screaming in pain for hours in the emergency room. They refused to give me anything other than ibuprofen... which did absolutely nothing. So yeah, please research that first!!!
This really made me think about how some people reject change and discomfort even if they are are toxic jobs and relationships. The Devi you know vs. the one you don’t, I suppose.
YES absolutely!!! I’ve stayed in both for far too long myself. Toxic relationships (three) and toxic jobs (at least three) but my favorite quote is: when the pain of staying the same, outweighs the fear of change, you will change. And it’s that way for comfort too I think. When the discomfort of staying the same finally outweighs….
Such excellent points Kimberly. It's only when we step out of our comfort zone that real growth can happen! And that doesn't necessarily have to mean moving abroad, but there is very little about moving abroad that is comfortable!
Such excellent points Kimberly. It's only when we step out of our comfort zone that real growth can happen! And that doesn't necessarily have to mean moving abroad, but there is very little about moving abroad that is comfortable!
Hubby and I moved to Portugal three years ago. During the upheaval I found that, for me, comfort was being with Hubby and our cats. That defines home. I would like high-speed internet, but we're doing well overall.
Hi Elaine, I love that! Animals do bring great comfort!! Husbands... not always LOL. I'm glad yours does :)
Re: Internet, I have MEO and it's really fast... maybe you can't get a higher speed in your area?
It is the area. I'm talking with MEO to see if I can get fiber pulled to the house.
Ok good! And Good luck!!
LOVE this article! I am originally from Hong Kong. I worked in a job that consumed my life. My only desire was to leave and move to another country. It was hard to make up this decision though. This involved a lot of researching and planning, and most importantly, courage.
When I have made up my mind and did all the preparation needed, I resigned from my job. People thought I was crazy. They said I had a good job, a good prospect, a good life. Why should I risk it? I would have to start from scratch again in a new country.
I asked my colleagues if they were happy. No. Everybody hated their job. But then, nobody was leaving. They were scared. They were "comfortable". Yes, exactly like what you described in your article.
Years later, I established my life in Germany. I had a great family, great lifestyle, great job. My colleague back in Hong Kong said, "What a great decision you have made a few years ago!"
Well...there is cost to be comfortable and stay in your comfort zone.
Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your experiences!
I don't think most people understand when they're in the thick of it, that it can be any other way. I certainly didn't and it sounds like your friends in HK didn't either.
It's not easy to leave but we are the ones who asked ourselves: in the long run won't it really be harder to stay?
I'm thrilled to hear you got out of the rat race and are thriving in Germany with a new life!!
I love this Kimberly! I'm moving to Lisbon in a few months and the top thing I have anxiety about is feeling cold in my apartment, like I've heard people talk about there. I get so grumpy and uncomfortable when I'm cold! It was interesting to read this and think about the various aspects of comfort. By the way, I live in Sonoma County for 11 years and my best friend lived in Fairfax so I've spent a lot of time in your former hood! :)
Hi Karen!!! First of all, huge congratulations on your upcoming move!!! Secondly, Lisbon is a walk in the park compared to the cold of Porto!!!
Unless you have an open floor plan, all the rooms have doors. When I first moved into my apartment I asked my landlady if she could remove them and she, thankfully refused. They are my savior when it comes to heating up just the rooms I spend the most time in during the days in winter; which is my office and my living room.
Get one or two (one for each room you spend time in) of those portable oil radiators (go for a name brand like Rowenta) and definitely buy one or two dehumidifiers (also name brand). If I could only buy one item here, it would be a dehumidifier. The bigger the better, on wheels with the setting for "laundry" (drying) as a choice. I run both of mine 24/7 from October through March. My clothes dry in 1.5 days and I've never had mold issues in my apartment.
Awww Sonoma and Fairfax, that's where I lived (it sounds like you already knew that as I do mention it a lot LOL). I wonder if you and I crossed paths!!!??
Thank you and thanks for generously sharing so much about how to manage the cold/humidity - i really appreciate it and i've written down your recommendations! i also didn't know that Porto was significantly colder than Lisbon, that's interesting to hear. Yeah re Fairfax, I would be surprised if we hadn't crossed paths at wu wei or good earth! and i'm sure if we sat down and started naming names we'd find some people in common. small world there! maybe once i get settled in lisbon we can connect in Porto - I'd love to take a trip up there!
Hi Karen, you’re so welcome! Yeah Porto and Lisbon are night and day when it comes to weather. I describe it as Lisbon is like Los Angeles, Porto is like San Francisco and the Algarve is like San Diego. It’s not 100% of course since CA is a desert and Portugal is humid as F so when it’s cold here, it’s COLD; but it give you a better idea.
I loved Wu Wei and of course Good Earth so yes I’m sure we did and I’m sure we know some of the same people too though I didn’t ever really find a community in Marin, mostly just acquaintances. The polar opposite of here!
Please do tell me when you’re coming to Porto, I’d love to meet up!
The community piece is a big part of my decision to go so that’s great to hear. Thx for all the info. Looking forward to meeting you in person one day!
YES, yay!!!! I'm thrilled for you and also look forward to meeting :)
Comfort is both physical and emotional for me. I just moved out of South Florida where I lived 30+ years to north Florida and was so surprised at how happy I can be here. But it was definitely once the house was unpacked and particularly the pictures of my kids - emotional. Physical sometimes stops me from considering Europe longer term. My ankles are hypermobile. When I visit, I have to wrap them to not twist them on the cobblestones and eventually the wraps get uncomfortable. Can I handle that? Can I hobble around if I do sprain one? Should I get surgery in the US as one of my prep steps to move? (8) Take your course which was in my calendar to do in May 😊.
Hi!! Yes I understand how comfort can be both emotional and physical, especially with your experiences.
I am so sorry to hear about your ankles! Wow, I didn't even know about this. Are there special boots you can have made?
I will say:
1. Portugal's "cobblestone" is called calçada and different from traditional cobblestone but it's still quite challenging. It's not on every street though which is the same in most cities with cobblestone.
2. Here are a few cities that don't have cobblestone in Europe: Stockholm is noted for having mostly smooth walking surfaces, especially outside the historic 'Gamla Stan' area. Additionally, cities like Salzburg and Munich in Austria have smooth sidewalks, though not everywhere. In Spain, most cities have smooth surfaces.
Vienna and Berlin are also mentioned for having smooth sidewalks and walkways.
3. If you're moving to Europe and need surgery, it's going to be less expensive here (unless you're fully covered for it in the US) and you'd have to recover in a foreign country on crutches, which would not be fun!
4. Thank you so much re: my course! I'm not completely finished with it yet but there's a lot available and I upload new lessons regularly! Please let me know if you have any questions!
Yes, I'm a big fan of Malcom Gladwell and his books that ask you to look at the world in ways you probably haven't. And yes, don't wait too long. I hear ya. I'll be 60 in three years, and it'll be time for another life.
Oh yay! Another Malcolm Gladwell fan! 😁
Three years, perfect! Reinvention is awesome!
When I think of comfort, I'm thinking so very hard at "Do I really want to walk away from my entire life?" I like where I am, and I really want America to change for the better so I don't have to think about leaving. At the same time, I've been around the world 13 times with the Navy, so I'm up for adventure. And my wife has never been anywhere, so she wants to go do stuff. But damn, it's hard to get off the couch. You nailed it. It is. We like our jobs, our life. I dunno if we are willing to chuck and just go.
But, great point. And great questions! I think I answered the first three. Here are the rest, if you'll indulge me.
Stagnation? We never do anything new. I mean, we do. We just went to India for two weeks, but I mean consistently new -- exploring, seeing new things, trying new stuff. We know what we like, and we love that stuff. But we want more experiences.
I don't anything scares me, or us. She's a nurse. I'm a language teacher. We can get jobs.
Today, it's all about planning -- planning for the near future. I can retire in three years and start a new career, or I can just write novels and be a kite surfer, which is the vision for my future as an old guy. Both my wife and I are totally comfortable in chaos. We're the kind of people you want around when shit goes bad. We can do what's needed, and we're not afraid. I already know that sitting here comfortably will lead to regret. I've already lost everything in my life twice, so I don't care about anything I own. I dunno what the hold-up is, but part of it is us loving what we do and where we are. I give it three more years. We're close to being done here, if you know what I mean -- and I mean work and living in the city and all that. We're close. Once we change our minds, we'll just go.
Thanks for writing these. I really enjoy this blog.
Hi and thank you so much for your truth, vulnerability and response to the questions!!
Leaving is hard, there's no question but you're asking yourself the tough questions and thinking about it, that's the first step and you're taking it so YES and YAY!
You don't have to make the decision right this moment and you're right, when you're ready (when you change your minds), you'll just go.
Did you ever read Malcolm Gladwell's book "The Tipping Point"? I think it can be applied here. When a bunch of small actions finally lead to a big change (I'm paraphrasing).
I LOVE that you're in your planning stage. Three years will come quickly and why not retire and be a novelist and kite surfer! LOL.
The fact that you and your wife are both comfortable in chaos is huge because you can pivot at any time (this week's article is about having that ability).
But you also hit the nail on the head: you love what you do and where you are. And as you know, from everything you've experienced in life, it's not always that way and it won't always be that way.
So it sounds like you already know what the answer is. Three more years!!
And during that time, you can keep branching out, like your trip to India. Maybe add some new things to do where you are. Like if you have time, pursue a hobby. Kite surfing! Outlining that novel.... though it sounds like you're already writing novels! Ceramics, painting, etc. Going to new restaurants, trying new foods, meeting new friends? I'm just spit-balling here.
Thank you so much for being a reader!! You'll both figure this out but please... my only unsolicited advice is: don't wait too long.
Wonderfully thought provoking - as always! I especially like your comparison of comfort with stagnation. Learning to balance comfort with growth is also super important. Pema Chodron talks about this in her "Welcoming the Unwelcome" teachings - how our "comfort zone" shrinks if we never push into the "learning zone" but how we also don't want to overextend ourselves and get into the "excessive risk zone" lest the overwhelm stop us completely. In the US especially, we're taught that any discomfort whatsoever is horrible. Living in countries that don't believe this, I've begun to understand that uncomfortable doesn't necessarily mean unbearable. Rather, the discomfort has expanded my comfort zone far beyond what I ever thought possible. Thank you for, once again, giving me so much food for thought!
Oh these are such wonderful gems/insights, thank you so much Rebecca!!
I love the Pema Chodron insight, that's right on key. (is right on key a saying? I've been up since 3am with insomnia so I'm not sure about much atm LOL)
And then you're right about discomfort in the US especially being "intolerable". That's a really good point!
Thank you for your input, I love our philosophical conversations so much!!
This is a wonderful article relating to comfort, how individuals view comfort differently. I think that there is physical comfort (temperature, space, view, surroundings, etc.) as well as emotional comfort (stress free). To be relaxed we must be at ease in both of those realms.
Hi Catherine, Thank you!
I understand what you’re saying! And it really is subjective, even in these areas, right?
Some people prefer the cold, others prefer the heat or… one woman I know can’t get comfortable (temperature wise) no matter what. She complains when it’s too cold for her (75 degrees Fahrenheit and below) or when it’s too hot for her (76 degrees Fahrenheit and above). LMAO —in this case I would say that person’s comfort is psychological.
For me: I can be comfortable without a view, with very little space and even at temperatures that aren’t ideal… but yes I would still agree with you that for most people it could be both physical and emotional :)
By emotional/psychological I mean the comfort that comes from my preference of avoiding crowds, of conversing with down to earth people, of seeking nature in my view (trees), quiet. Physically, I enjoy sitting on a comfortable couch, a pleasant temperature, a walk, a swim. Of course, these things intermingle.
It is an interesting post Kimberly Ann. Thank you.
Thank you for explaining Catherine Ann! I love that comfort is so subjective, it's quite fascinating. Your definitions make me let out a long sigh of relief so yes, I understand what you're saying.
Thank you for being a reader and commenting!!!!
Comfort is the reason I am looking to leave, I have severe untreated chronic pain, and need to find a place to get medications so I can maybe live a few more years with some level of comfort.
Hi Eric, I'm so sorry to hear about your chronic pain! I'm not sure how to find a place where you can get the meds you need. I wasn't given ANY pain meds in Portugal when my fingers were broken and one was sticking straight up and I was screaming in pain for hours in the emergency room. They refused to give me anything other than ibuprofen... which did absolutely nothing. So yeah, please research that first!!!
This really made me think about how some people reject change and discomfort even if they are are toxic jobs and relationships. The Devi you know vs. the one you don’t, I suppose.
YES absolutely!!! I’ve stayed in both for far too long myself. Toxic relationships (three) and toxic jobs (at least three) but my favorite quote is: when the pain of staying the same, outweighs the fear of change, you will change. And it’s that way for comfort too I think. When the discomfort of staying the same finally outweighs….
The pain of discomfort! Love this quote.
Such excellent points Kimberly. It's only when we step out of our comfort zone that real growth can happen! And that doesn't necessarily have to mean moving abroad, but there is very little about moving abroad that is comfortable!
Such excellent points Kimberly. It's only when we step out of our comfort zone that real growth can happen! And that doesn't necessarily have to mean moving abroad, but there is very little about moving abroad that is comfortable!