Thriving Abroad: Why Adaptability is the Key to Success
Embracing Change to Build a Life You Love Abroad
Intro
Hello all! For those of you who are new to my Substack, I’m Kimberly Anne. I want to say a huge thank you to everyone for being part of this adventure! I started writing on Substack in 2022 to share my journey but as most things… my focus has shifted to help others achieve their dreams of moving abroad.
I’m a U.S. “expat” who moved to Portugal in 2022. I moved here solo, sight unseen and without a support group. Prior to moving to Europe I traveled the US in a converted van for a year, also solo! To learn even more about me, please click here.
The Reality of Moving Abroad: Exciting and Terrifying
What if you woke up tomorrow in a country where no one spoke your language, you didn’t know a soul, and even a trip to the grocery store felt like climbing a mountain in the Alps without wearing proper winter gear?
While this actually did happen to me in 2022, I didn’t pause to take in the enormity of my choice. I knew I was adaptable, but my adaptability has always been born from necessity rather than choice. Moving to Portugal by myself, knowing no one and without visiting first, was a choice.
Adaptability is key to both moving abroad and traveling, and a recent mishap reminded me of this. I’ll go into that in a bit…
But first, imagine that you’ve just landed in a bustling foreign city. It’s nighttime and you have no cell service. You can’t schedule an Uber, you’re wrestling a suitcase or two or three or four and maybe even a stressed out, beloved pet that you carried over an ocean on your fourteen hour flight. The streets are alive with unfamiliar sounds, signs in a language you can’t read, and locals who rush past without a second glance. Your phone’s map won’t load because your eSim isn’t working and suddenly, the place you were so excited to move to feels claustrophobic and terrifying. Anxiety creeps in and with it… the questions of self-doubt emerge—what have I done? Am I crazy? Should I have listened to everyone who told me not to do this?
Internations Expat Insider Report (2021) states that 56% of expats find adapting to the local culture challenging, particularly in countries with vastly different social norms or values.
It is not my intention to scare anyone with this article, quite the contrary, it is my intention to EMPOWER YOU!
If you know what you’re up against, and what qualities and skills to focus on and hone, you too can do it!
After all, do you think about all the things that could go wrong when you set out for your three-week vacation traipsing through the south of France that you’ve been planning for the past year? Absolutely not! And yet on my last overseas trip: delays affected my flights, my luggage was lost and when returned the suitcase was destroyed. Customs officials stopped me and I had to wait an hour (after a fourteen-hour red-eye) while they tore open a piece of wrapped artwork I’d owned since the 70s and searched the internet for its value to determine the import duty. If you recall your last vacation, you’ll most likely remember encountering some bumps in the road where you too were forced to adapt.
"‘Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.’ For expats, no words could ring truer. Moving abroad is the ultimate comfort-zone breaker, with challenges that demand flexibility, resilience, and an open mind." ~Neale Donald Walsch.
Leaving the Dream Behind: What My Algarve Experience Taught Me
Last week I went on a long-awaited trip down to the south of Portugal. It’s a five-hour drive from Porto, if I don’t stop, but I do have to stop for gas so it can take between five and six hours, also depending on the weather. While many, especially here in Europe consider that far, it’s similar to driving from San Francisco to Los Angeles which I often did several times a year. Plus, I LOVE driving.
I have a good friend who owns a farm in Lagos, which is in the Algarve and I spent six weeks there two months after I first arrived in Portugal. That was in November of 2022. I had recently come from living in a van for a year and staying in, not the best airbnbs for several months, so the farm was amazing. A dream come true. And over the years I’ve built it up to the point where it became this fantasy utopia for me. So much so, that two months ago, I started scouring rental sites for a farm of my own here in Porto.
This trip as well, took months to happen. We each put it off several times because of rain or other guests. She hosts a lot of guests. She also has a dog hotel with heated floors, several acres with fruit trees, a dog run, two adorable pigs, a freestanding yoga studio, an outdoor kitchen, outdoor bathroom and outdoor shower, plus her house and a caravan for guests to stay in.
April, it turns out, is a very different beast to November. April is when all the biting buggies make their appearances. Maybe also, because I had built her farm up in my mind to this massive scale, it was just… different. The bathroom, which I originally found amazing because I had used a bucket for a year in the van is also a hole in the ground but elevated and with a toilet seat. But it’s not the height of comfort. I won’t go into detail but I will say, it takes some maneuvering to both sit and stand. The outdoor shower water is heated by solar and stays warm for a few minutes at best. Plus the wind while you’re showering, brrrr. But in the van I had no shower, so in 2022 the outdoor shower too was a huge luxury plus I don’t remember the biting ants back then… which brings me to today.
I drove down on a Saturday, planning to stay for eight days, my heart full of excitement and hope. I drove back three days later, in a mad rush to leave, like a bat out of hell (I love that idiom). In the two full days and the three nights I stayed in my friend’s comfortable caravan where bugs ate me alive. And not just any bugs, I suspect (and pray I am wrong) bedbugs.
On Sunday morning, I had three bites on my face. On Monday morning there were twelve. On Tuesday morning there were fifty-two (yes I counted). The bites are in a zigzag bedbug pattern and only happened while I was sleeping. Thankfully, the rest of my body was fully covered because it was cold and I only brought one semi-warm item of clothing to wear. My arms are now covered in mosquito bites from the daytime, my hands in spider bites and my feet in ant bites. Who knew those suckers hurt so much?
My dog, who I thought would love running in her dog run, was miserable as well. She was confused and upset if I left her for three minutes, plus the other dogs at the hotel were half her size and didn’t enjoy playing with her.
I’m telling you all this story because what I had to do was quickly adapt and pivot. And since I’m an annoyingly cup-half-full person and like to be forthright when possible, I told my friend the truth.
I said, “I had built your farm up to be this grand utopian fantasy, one that I was envious of and wanted myself, but now I realize it’s much too difficult.”
She laughed and said, “it’s really hard, you have no idea.”
When I spent the six weeks there before, I saw all the work she was doing but I romanticized it. Constant weeding, chainsawing wood for her wood-burning stoves, non-stop cleaning and fixing things that are always breaking. I saw her work from sunup till sundown but I also saw how fit and happy she was. She’s ten years older than me but you’d never know it by looking at her. She has the body of a twenty-year-old! She began each day early, practicing in her yoga studio, then spent her afternoons reading and relaxing with lunch in her outdoor kitchen. In the evenings she went out to socialize with friends, before retiring early to bed.
I wanted what she had. I wanted the fantasy I saw. The fantasy I had built up. But that’s what it was. A fantasy. I don’t even think I was consciously aware of how much I was projecting my own hopes and dreams onto someone else’s life.
The Courage to Pivot: Knowing When to Walk Away
On the third morning of being covered in bug bites, I made the executive decision to leave five days early. I had been awake all night, worrying and wondering what to do and in the morning I finally felt clear. It was the right decision. I had to reschedule some work I had planned for the day, and I’m fortunate enough that I could. I told my friend, and despite her attempt to persuade me to stay, I remained firm in my decision. I was too uncomfortable to remain. With a heavy heart but a clear mind, I packed up everything I brought in plastic garbage bags, in case of bedbugs, loaded my car and took her out to lunch. Then I hightailed it out of the Algarve, driving straight back to my apartment in Porto.
A Forced Change of Perspective
Upon returning I realized how much this “vacation” taught me.
I brought far too many things and have had to spend three hours a day for the past week decontaminating, and I’m still not finished.
I had been complaining about my apartment and was even looking for other places to move but now I have a new HUGE appreciation for it.
Plans don’t always go the way you expect, including vacations.
Adaptability and pivoting are necessary qualities for travel and living abroad.
Challenges That Demand Adaptability When Living Abroad
Culture Shock—Learning and adjusting to new social and societal norms can be a challenge. Solutions: educate yourself. Learn about the culture and make local friends who are interested in answering your questions and teaching you.
Language Barriers—difficulty communicating can lead to a sense of isolation as well as difficulty finding what you need to survive, like a market! Solutions: start studying the language before you arrive in your new destination. Ask people who speak both languages for help. Click here to read an article I wrote about learning a new language.
Bureaucracy—this is the area where I believe one has to become the most adaptable. Solutions: patience! Honestly, the number one solution. Take up meditation if you don’t already practice it. That will help with your entire moving process! Research what you need to do and also, ask the expat community.
Housing Challenges—well… this particular article addresses this a little bit but I want to acknowledge that housing does differ in other countries. My apartment here in Porto has no heat or AC and that’s typical for apartments and houses here (and in other—but not all—European countries). I have no elevator and I live on the second (which is actually the third) floor with six flights to walk up. And then there’s the noise, which has been the most difficult for me. If you’re in a city, you may experience: road noise, barking dogs, partying neighbors, crying babies, trash trucks, the sounds of glass thrown into the recycling bin, screaming children (if you’re near a school as I am), screaming football fans and honking cars (if you’re near a stadium as I am), all-night loud firecrackers during every celebration, fireworks several times a year, drunk people singing on the streets and more. If you live in the country you may experience: large and loud dogs barking all night long, roosters at 5am, airbnbs partying, loud music and bugs—lots of bugs (ok, this has nothing to do with noise LOL). Another issue, especially in Portugal is dampness which can lead to mold. Housing abroad is a huge topic and this is just a slice of it…
—Solutions: rent before you buy so you know more about the area you’re living in before you decide to purchase there. Earplugs and noise-cancelling headsets will be your best friend. For AC and heat: you can buy a portable AC if needed but I learned to use my built-in black out shades during hot days + opening the windows in the evenings + a fan when needed and I’ve been fine. For heat I have two oil radiators on wheels and three small forced air heaters—all with eco settings. For dampness I have two large dehumidifiers and if I could only purchase one item here, it would be a dehumidifier with a clothes drying setting.
Community—forming a new community can be stressful for sure and I wrote two articles about it that can help with plenty of solutions. Find them here.
Being Homesick—I am not an expert, or even a novice when it comes to this because I’ve never been homesick but I do acknowledge that many people are. Being away from your old support group, especially during holidays can be challenging. Feeling nostalgic for comfort foods, places, and conveniences can be difficult. Differences in time zones can make communication with people back home problematic. Solutions: visit once a year if needed, stay in touch with your friends and community over WhatsApp, even scheduling video calls. Find new comfort foods, and things you love in your new country. Make plans with your new friends on holidays (there are many expat groups that host holiday get-togethers). Take yourself on a vacation for your birthday or visit a friend in a nearby country.
Education/Family Concerns—I don’t have kids so I can’t speak to this personally, but I do have some clients who worry about moving their children to new schools, researching these schools, and having to deal with each family member’s needs. Solutions: research, research, research. Hire someone who can help if you need. Make friends with other expats who have done this in your country of choice and ask questions. If you’re there in person, take them to lunch or dinner as a thank you for their help.
Identity and Belonging—this is a rather extensive topic. I’ve heard many people say that as an expat or immigrant, you will never truly be a part of the new society and that may be true. It’s different for me because I never felt a part of my old society, ever. I actually feel much more “a part of” my new one. Will anyone ever consider me a native? Of course not. I’m not a native. But I also don’t have that need. I’m strong enough in my sense of self and have found an expansion here in Portugal that I never knew existed. I’m more comfortable here than I ever was in the U.S. but I recognize it’s probably not this way for everyone. Solutions: develop your community. Find things you’re interested in. Join social groups, learn to be an ethical expat, move outside your comfort zone.
Navigating Healthcare—this can be terrifying, I acknowledge that. You don’t speak the language; you don’t know how good the system is, you’re worried about the costs. Solutions: ask locals and expats for help. Research what expats are saying before your move. Sign up for the national healthcare system as soon as you arrive. Don’t move without having travel health insurance to cover you before you can become a part of the system. Ask friends and other expats for referrals to doctors.
Conclusion: Embrace the Adventure—Adapt and Thrive
Moving abroad is not for the faint of heart. It’s a journey filled with excitement, discovery, and adventure—but also with challenges, discomfort, and moments of doubt that test your resilience. As I’ve learned through my own experiences, from culture shock to bureaucratic battles, from bug-filled nights in the Algarve to the simple struggle of navigating a grocery store, adaptability is the most important quality you can cultivate.
You’ll encounter situations that push you far outside your comfort zone, but these are the same situations that will help you grow in ways you never imagined. Yes, there will be setbacks, frustrations, and moments when you’ll question your choices. But with every pivot, every solution you find, you’ll gain confidence and mastery over your new life.
The key is to stay flexible, keep an open mind, and embrace the imperfections of this incredible journey. Moving abroad isn’t about creating a perfect life—it’s about finding joy in the messy, unpredictable process of starting fresh in a new place.
So, whether you’re dreaming of relocating to a new country or are already living the expat life, remember: it’s okay to struggle, to be uncomfortable, and to change course when necessary. Adaptability isn’t just a skill—it’s a superpower. And with it, you can overcome almost anything.
Take a deep breath, step outside your comfort zone, and trust that you have what it takes to thrive. You’ll be amazed by what you’re capable of when you do.
Resources
Internations Expat City Ranking 2024
Comfort Article
Language Learning Article
How to Meditate Article
Community Article
Ethical Expat Article
Moving Solo Article
Healthcare Article
Solo Greek Birthday Vacation Article
Expat on a Budget’s Archives
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If you’re interested in my “Why I Left the US and Won’t Ever Return” Series, please check out..
Cost of living: Article here
Healthcare (or lack thereof) here.
Safety—article here.
Polarization—too much hate and anger
—If you want to learn another language before you embark (or after) on your new adventure, I highly recommend the platform Preply! It’s what I use to learn Portuguese and it’s also the platform I teach on. Please use my referral code for $17 off your first lesson!
—I use Wise to transfer money internationally between bank accounts and they also offer a free ATM card that can be used worldwide without fees. Please use my referral code for a free transfer of up to $600.
—I’ve started using Kindred Home Exchange in order to secure affordable accommodations! If you’re interested and want to sign up, you will get five nights with my referral code!
—I use Safety Wing for my travel medical insurance abroad. You can check them out here.
—For travel hacking I use my Chase Sapphire Preferred credit card. I earn enough points by using the card regularly (with no foreign transaction fees) to get a “free” RT ticket from Europe to the US at least once a year.
—I use the eSim Nomad. I’ve tried several others and Nomad is the only one that’s ever worked for me.
—If you’re traveling or moving to a new country, I highly recommend choosing Express VPN. It’s the VPN service that I use. Click here for more information and get three extra months on an affordable twelve month subscription.
If you’re interested in moving abroad, check out my free Expat on a Budget pub or podcast on Substack
The How to Live Abroad Publication is here.
Part 1—Want to move abroad? Start here!
Part 2—Conquer your fears about moving abroad!
Part 3—12 Minimizing Mistakes Part 1
Part 4—12 Minimizing Mistakes Part 2
Part 5—A Personal Case study (re: Minimizing)
Part 6—Your Move Abroad: The Ultimate Checklist
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—Expat on a Budget AKA Living Abroad on a Budget and My Unknown Adventure by Kimberly Anne
*** This article contains a few affiliate links. Using my affiliate links is not required and does not cost you anything extra but I greatly appreciate it, if you do. It’s a (free to you) way to help support my writing.
This is such a useful post! I got so much value out of it and inspiration for my upcoming move. OMG bed bugs, that is the worst! I hope you were able to get home without any of them hitching a ride! Also thank you very much for all those resources at the end regarding money transfer, sim cards, and insurance. I am looking at all of these - so helpful, you're the best!
I REALLY love this: "my adaptability has always been born from necessity rather than choice." Great reminder for when things go askew: that I have chosen this life - and everything that comes with it!