Moving Abroad—My Story

The How, the Why, and the Where!

This was my first published article on Substack, a year/ish ago. I’ve updated it (a LOT) and the audio above doesn’t include the updates. This article is still relevant and a good overview plus it answers a lot of the questions I’ve been getting recently. I hope you enjoy it!!

The Middle

I can’t find a way to start at the beginning. And it’s impossible to start at the ending of a story that has yet to conclude. Therefore I will start smack-dab in the middle.

Hi, I’m Kimberly Anne and I’m a traveler. I travel through life, just like you, fast upon the wings of change. These writings are about my experience as a solo American expat over fifty, moving to Portugal on a budget.

I did it sight unseen, knowing no one. That’s right, I’d never set foot in Portugal before I moved here and I did it without a support group. I also did it while most people in my life tried to talk me out of following my dream.

I hope that whatever your dreams are, I can be your cheerleader from afar because I truly believe it’s never too late to achieve them.

A Traveler—Through Life

Foremost, I identify as a traveler, but I’m not talking only of travel in the strictest sense of the word. I am talking about moving from one place to the next, even within the confines of one’s own town. I’m also referring to moving from one idea to another, one creative impulse to another, one passion to the next, one career to the… okay you get the picture.

I’ve gone through life with a fluidity in all these areas. I used to look at the negative aspect of all this and tell myself it was because I lost interest in things quickly. And no, I do not have ADHD, though I was misdiagnosed with that at six years old and put on ritalin—another story for another time, perhaps.

My passions are varied from the mundane to the eclectic, the only constant being my love of literal travel. That too began young, as we were a traveling family. And no, not with the circus, though I still hold out for that fantasy.

After college, I saved enough money to do a month long European backpacking stint but it wasn’t long enough. Even a six week jaunt in 2009 and another in 2019 wasn’t long enough.

It was never long enough.

And thus began my search for full time travel, specifically ways to live in another country.

Why Not the United States?

I wasn’t happy in the United States for many reasons. I had (and still do) several very close friends and I adore every single one. I even adore people that weren’t close friends. I’m a people AND animal lover. Rare, I know.

But I didn’t like the high cost of everything, especially food. I didn’t like the constant driving and traffic. Even getting to my acupuncture clinic, which was fifteen minutes away, took an hour at times and never took fifteen minutes unless it was at 2am. I didn’t like the consumerism/capitalism. I’m not saying any of these things are “wrong or bad” but I have different sensibilities and different interests.

And even my passions were unaffordable. Taking a ceramics class in my area (which I did) is $75 per lesson. In Portugal it’s less than that for an entire month of lessons. My circus classes were $300-$400 a month for 1 class a week. Just to give you a comparison, circus classes in Portugal are $30 a month for 1 class a week.

I also got tired of the politics in the US. The constant fighting, pitting people against one another, and all the anger. There was never room for discussion or listening or even agreeing to disagree. It was always (and still is): us against them—no matter which “side” you’re on.

A good friend here in Portugal explained it more succinctly yesterday when she said to some Canadians we met at a restaurant: America looks at Republican vs Democrat as a personal identity. Whereas, in Europe it’s looked at as a team. For example: someone will say “I vote labor party”. In American any negativity towards a person’s party is seen as a personal attack against their identity.

It’s such a weird (and unsustainable) concept, especially for an entire nation!

Capitalism, Anxiety and Fear

Since moving to Europe, my mind has been blown in every way. Here people aren’t into having and buying more stuff. They aren’t into showing off their “stuff” to make themselves feel superior. Most aren’t “keeping up with the Jonses”, buying the bigger, better Tesla to show-up their neighbors or the bazillion dollar house with the ocean view. I know someone in the States who did both of those things! And some people here do it too for sure, but they’re in the minority.

The work ethic is completely different as well. People here take a two hour work break for lunch. They stop work at the designated time. They don’t bring work home with them. The prioritize life, family and friends over the “almighty dollar/euro”. They will even say this when asked. They live to work, not work to live.

They don’t worry as much in Europe, thus there’s less anxiety. They will often say “in Portuguese”—it’s no problem, calm, tranquil, no worries, etc. And they don’t say it in the same way Americans do which is super demeaning and negative! When someone tells you to “calm down” in America it’s a put-down, it’s aggressive and you always get the sense that they think they’re better than you because they’re calm and you’re not. Which is not even true.

Here it’s said with a smile and a sweet demeanor. It’s said with care, love and concern!

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the fear aspect of the US. Fear is sown by the American media. And wow, just wow! The news is always bad. It has to be for several reasons. 1. people actually thrive on fear. Fear releases dopamine. Sensationalism releases dopamine. 2. Seeing people who are worse off than we are, makes us feel better about ourselves. 3. It keeps us frozen and compliant.

If life is too scary, we stay where we are. I have a friend who watches the five o’clock news daily. He’s terrified of absolutely everything, and always angry. He’s even afraid to leave his house. This is a great way to control the masses and it works (on a lot of people). For this reason, I went on a media fast long ago.

Safety

In the US, we are led to believe that the world outside of America is a terrifying place. I remember in 2009 when I was traveling to China for six weeks my father was convinced I would be kidnapped and sold into white slavery. I am not saying that doesn’t happen but it’s much more likely that you will be a car accident or a victim of a violent crime in the US. Plus I was in my mid-forties at the time…

When I lived in California, whenever I went out at night I carried pepper spray in one hand and a stun-gun in the other. One hundred percent of the time. Was I ever accosted? No but I had a few close-calls and more than that, I believed I was unsafe.

When I moved to Portugal and a car drove up next to me while I was walking on the sidewalk, I would jump out of the way and scream. I thought they were approaching me to kidnap me. This was so deeply ingrained that it took a full year for me to stop jumping when someone was trying to park.

In San Francisco if you leave your bag or phone unattended anywhere, it will be stolen in seconds. Here, you can leave your expensive cell phone unattended on a table or countertop and go to the bathroom and it will be there when you return. Now, things are changing here and I wouldn’t do that myself but my Portuguese friends do.

I was in a class full of women in San Francisco once and the teacher asked, “how many of you worry about your safety: monthly, weekly, daily, hourly, minute-by-minute?” Every single woman raised their hands, all the way down to minute-by-minute. This is how most women live, without being consciously aware of it.

I was so tired of worrying about my safety all the time, it’s exhausting. Here, I almost never worry. This is so strange to me but also, why? Isn’t it stranger and just sad to live in a state of constant fear?

Community

The one thing I did not expect when leaving the US was the way people outside of America place friends (and family) above work and buying/accumulating more things. Community is number one here. I wrote an article about it, which you can find here. But that really blew me away! I never had an actual community until I left dos Estados Unidos. I didn’t even understand or know what the concept truly meant! As mentioned above, I had some great friends there, I still do but I saw them one-on-one, not in a group. And one of us had to drive 2 hours, even the friends who lived close! Thanks bay area traffic.

Here I belong to several groups and the friends know one another and we all go out together! They are all a mixture of nationalities as well. American, Portuguese, Polish, and Brazilian to name a few. The other night, we met at a restaurant and had dinner and then went back to one friend’s new condo and talked and danced and sang until the wee hours. And I could bring my doggie into the restaurant and it was a quick metro ride home. That NEVER happened to me once in the US. And maybe I’m the anomaly. If you have a community like that, I’m overjoyed for you!

Work, Work, Work—Life Balance

I never achieved a work/life balance in the US. I’m not saying it’s not possible for others but it wasn’t for me. I was so obsessed with the never-ending and exhaustive chase of the next vacation in-between. I worked, as many people do, two full-time jobs. I worked sixty hours a week or more, seven days a week, for forty years. And I really loved all five of my careers. Even now, I love working. However, I also love traveling, just as much.

Do I have a work/life balance here? Absolutely! Though I have to constantly remind myself. Having a dog helps as I get outside multiple times a day to walk her. And having a community helps. It’s a rare day that I’m not meeting someone for lunch or coffee or dinner.

Back to Before—When Covid Changed Everything (for Everyone)

When I was still living in the States and Covid hit, working around the clock became impossible. That’s when I was finally forced to slow down and re-assess. I decided I’d had enough of the sixty-hour work week and finally took the leap off my incredibly comfortable couch (psst; it was a Joybird!).

I sold or gave away everything I owned, even my beloved couch, and yes, I shed a tear as the new owners hauled it away. This is a much longer story. It took me a full year to get rid of my “stuff” and I’m currently creating a class to help others do the same and move abroad on a budget (if that’s your dream)!

Here it’s important to interject that yes I am a planner. Here are some examples: it took me a full year of planning to move into a van (we’ll get to that later, and no, I don’t live in a van in Portugal). It took me two full years to plan my move to Portugal. It took me five years to get my Masters degree and become an acupuncturist. It took me fifteen years to write my first novel and I’ve just completed my thirtieth. And so on.

But... once I decide I’m going to do something, I do it. And later I always say, “if I had known how hard it was going to be, I never would have done XYZ.” So it’s good I didn’t know, LOL. And also, in that respect it feels, from my vantage point, like I just jump in with both feet.

When I knew I could no longer go on living a life of perpetual motion, a life that was passing me by, a life where one day bled into the next and each one was exactly the same—I realized if I wanted to live, really live, I would have to change my life completely.

And to do what I truly wanted to do, I had to start by minimizing my expenses. Plus, I had to shed the thick layer of stuff that clung to me like a second skin.

There’s the famous quote from Fight Club that minimalists talk about, “the things you own, end up owning you”. And while yes, this is true from a minimalist viewpoint, it’s also true in a bigger picture sense.

Replace the word “things” in the quote with something else in your life that you feel like a slave to and you’ll see what I mean. Here are a few examples:

1. The worry you own, ends up owning you.

2. The pain you own, ends up owning you.

3. The comfort you own, ends up owning you.

I have a rant, diatribe really, about comfort but as it’s one of my favorite topics, I’ll save it for a future installment. Still, you can see how that quote works for comfort too, even without delving too deep into a philosophical bend.

How to Move Forward

How does one go from knowing what the problem is, the first step is identification, even in a 12-step program; to moving toward a solution—also borrowed from recovery speak.

For me, the answer begins with list making.

For you, it may be something different. One thing I beg you not to do at this crucial phase is tell other people unless you know beyond a shadow of a doubt (idioms are fun: how does doubt cast a shadow anyway?) that the person you tell will completely support your choices. If you have such a person in your life, you are ahead of the curve. Or maybe I’m just behind it. It’s not that I don’t have a few encouragers in my life, I do, but at the time I took this leap, my life was filled with far more naysayers.

A Personal Excerpt

At this juncture of my story, I told my significant other.

I told them after I made the lists because I thought it could be a conversation. I wanted to include them, as one usually does with a significant other.

I said, “I have to make a drastic life change and I’ve made a list.” My voice teemed with excitement and hope.

“What kind of change?” Their eyes narrowed to slits while their pupils slid from side to side, silently assessing.

“If I quit my day job, I’ll have $2,000 to live on per month, which means I will have to move out of my apartment.”

“Why would you quit your job?” they asked.

Apparently, they had tuned out my years of complaining. And so the conversation went. Eventually, I got to the juicy bits. Where I explained I could do A, B or C.

A) was renting a studio apartment or buying a mobile home closer to them. It was my first choice really. They lived forty minutes away from me and I wanted to be closer. I thought they did too. Spoiler, I was wrong.

But since they kept their mouth shut after I told them about plan A I forged on. They knew I wanted to move to Europe, it’s something we had talked about often during our years together. And they knew I had my eye on Portugal. We even had purchased plane tickets to go visit before Covid which of course, we had to cancel. They had kids who lived at home and I was willing to wait eight years for the youngest to leave the house, before moving so my partner could come with me.

Option B was to buy a van, convert it into a camper and live in it. I liked this option best because it sounded the most affordable to me and I could travel during Covid, driving around to out of the way places and spending a weekend here or a week there both with and without my partner. I could also see if there may be anywhere less expensive in the United States I may want to eventually move to.

Option C was moving into a tiny home, which I also liked but it wasn’t workable. Living in California makes it near impossible to live in a tiny home as it’s not legal to park them anywhere.

When I clarified that I was rooting for option A and even went so far as to get approved for a home loan, my partner dumped me. They told me that my current vulnerable state of the unknown and flux was too much for them to handle and it would better if I moved forward alone, without any emotional support.

And after a lot of anger, heartbreak and sadness; that’s what I did.

Obviously, option A was out at that point and option C was unfeasible, so I chose option B.

I’m also dramatizing the breakup because “they dumped me in my time of need” sounds really good and properly sad. But they didn’t actually dump me. They asked for a six-month break during which I was supposed to “go and figure out my life” and then come back to them and we’d be “stronger than ever before”. To which I responded, “f -you, I’m done.”

See? The truth granted me agency.

I hope you found this article helpful! If you want to move abroad on a budget too, you can!! I am creating the class I mentioned above but I also started a series of article to help you right now! You can jump in to those here!

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