Thanks for an excellent 2-way video chat between you and Mary! I found equally fascinating (and disturbing) your experience with men in Portugal over age 40 (I presume natives) - I mean WOW. Machismo much????? Rhetorical question. I know you indicated you don’t like talking about this much or even bringing up, but I am glad you did. While on some level it doesn’t surprise me, on another level it does. I am glad you shared!!! Good to know what most women over a certain age can expect - and yes, we know there are certainly exceptions - but with you sharing this insight, at least a solo woman (of a certain age) moving to Portugal won’t be shocked because of your “intel” - so thank you!
Thank you Chris. Yes, most of the men that have been problematic are Portuguese natives. I'm glad it helped for me to bring it up. And it happens to women of all ages, but mostly to foreigners. While there is a VERY BIG problem with domestic abuse behind closed doors, Portuguese men will not do (or say) what they do to me, to a Portuguese woman in public.
I still feel safer than I did in the US because they don't have guns!! Also and I think this is an important point, in the US we are taught to make eye contact so if there's a potential perp they know we're aware of them and maybe we humanize ourselves (socio and psychopaths notwithstanding). But here in Portugal if you make eye contact they think that means you want to bone. If you're nice, they think you want to bone. If you are polite and courteous, they assume you want to bone. If you stick up for yourself, they get angry. It's a slippery slope. So what I learned very early on was not to talk to any men (though I have now made several kind male friends while dog walking).
I even had to buy a fake wedding ring, which only slowed a few down. When I first moved here I was super nice to everyone, no longer. I had 20 somethings try to F me on a regular basis. I would say "I'm old enough to be your grandma, I'm married, I'm gay" None of it mattered. One time I actually screamed "no means NO!" and the guy just laughed and kept trying to coerce me into sex. But if this is the worst thing, I can live with it.
😊
Thanks for an excellent 2-way video chat between you and Mary! I found equally fascinating (and disturbing) your experience with men in Portugal over age 40 (I presume natives) - I mean WOW. Machismo much????? Rhetorical question. I know you indicated you don’t like talking about this much or even bringing up, but I am glad you did. While on some level it doesn’t surprise me, on another level it does. I am glad you shared!!! Good to know what most women over a certain age can expect - and yes, we know there are certainly exceptions - but with you sharing this insight, at least a solo woman (of a certain age) moving to Portugal won’t be shocked because of your “intel” - so thank you!
Thank you Chris. Yes, most of the men that have been problematic are Portuguese natives. I'm glad it helped for me to bring it up. And it happens to women of all ages, but mostly to foreigners. While there is a VERY BIG problem with domestic abuse behind closed doors, Portuguese men will not do (or say) what they do to me, to a Portuguese woman in public.
I still feel safer than I did in the US because they don't have guns!! Also and I think this is an important point, in the US we are taught to make eye contact so if there's a potential perp they know we're aware of them and maybe we humanize ourselves (socio and psychopaths notwithstanding). But here in Portugal if you make eye contact they think that means you want to bone. If you're nice, they think you want to bone. If you are polite and courteous, they assume you want to bone. If you stick up for yourself, they get angry. It's a slippery slope. So what I learned very early on was not to talk to any men (though I have now made several kind male friends while dog walking).
I even had to buy a fake wedding ring, which only slowed a few down. When I first moved here I was super nice to everyone, no longer. I had 20 somethings try to F me on a regular basis. I would say "I'm old enough to be your grandma, I'm married, I'm gay" None of it mattered. One time I actually screamed "no means NO!" and the guy just laughed and kept trying to coerce me into sex. But if this is the worst thing, I can live with it.
Appreciate your comment.
This happens in other countries too.
I’ve experienced it in India and sometimes in Mexico, where I’ve lived for many months at a time. (Both countries)
It’s annoying and disgusting.
Hey thanks for coming over and joining the conversation.
I see you both
Thanks Jeanine!