A free guide by Kimberly Anne 🦋

The Body Compass

Your Body Already Knows Which Country to Pick

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A short, practical companion to this video

DOWNLOAD THE FREE PDF HERE

First, the why

If you’ve been researching where to live for years and you still can’t pick — you don’t have a research problem. You have a signal problem.

You’ve been asking the part of yourself that can’t possibly know to make the decision. And you’ve been ignoring the part of yourself that already does.

Your nervous system processes information faster than your conscious mind — milliseconds versus seconds. And it’s been quietly storing data on every place you’ve ever read about, watched a movie set in, or scrolled past in a photograph. Your whole life. All of it stored.

So when you imagine yourself walking through a village in Provence, your body isn’t making something up. It’s running every association it has against the version of you sitting on your couch right now — and it’s giving you a verdict before your conscious mind has finished processing the sentence.

That verdict comes through the body. There’s a real word for it: interoception. The sense of what your body is doing on the inside. Doctors study it. Trauma researchers study it. You can call it spiritual if you want — it’s also that. But it isn’t only that. It’s real, it’s measurable, and it’s been there the whole time.

The job of this guide

To teach you what to listen for, give you a place to write it down, and help you tell the difference between your body saying “yes,” “no,” and “I don’t have enough information yet.”

The five signals

Everyone’s body is a little different. Most people will feel some version of these five — and you may also have a sixth, somewhere unique to you. Read through them once, then we’ll do the exercise.

1. Chest / Heart Area

YES feels like the front of you softens. The space between your collarbones feels a little wider. You suddenly notice you can take a fuller breath.

NO feels like a low-grade brace. Subtle. The chest tightens, the front of you closes a little. If you’re not trained to notice, you’ll miss it.

2. Shoulders

YES feels like a drop. Sometimes a quarter of an inch, sometimes more.

NO feels like a hike toward your ears, often with a small forward hunch — a closing-in, an unconscious protection. Your shoulders are basically a stress meter that lives on your body, and most of us have been ignoring it for years.

3. Breath

YES feels like a deepening. The breath travels down into your belly.

NO feels like a shallowing. The breath stays high in your chest, near the top of your lungs. If you’re breathing into the top of your chest while you imagine a place — that place is making your nervous system brace. That’s data.

4. Mouth

YES feels like the almost-smile. The quarter-smile that happens before your brain decides to smile.

NO feels like flat. A small downturn, or just nothing. The almost-smile is the one most people miss because it’s so small — but once you know to feel for it, you’ll feel it.

5. Throat

YES feels like open and quiet. Easy.

NO feels like a tightening. A subtle constriction, sometimes a swallow you didn’t mean to make.

Kimberly’s note: This one is mine. I don’t feel the chest expansion as strongly as some people do, but a tight throat? Always. My throat has been my no-meter for years. Yours might be too — or yours might be somewhere else entirely.

+ Your own signal

Pay attention this week to where else your body talks to you. Some people feel it in their stomach. Some feel it in their jaw, their lower back, their hands. There’s no wrong place. Notice what shows up for you and record it on each worksheet under “Anywhere else.”

How to do the exercise

The exercise itself takes about ten minutes. The honesty it asks for takes a little longer.

What you need

• This guide, printed or open on a tablet, phone or computer

• A pen if using paper

• A quiet room and if possible, the door closed

• Your real top three countries — the ones you’ve actually been considering, not your wishful list

How to do it

1. Pick one of your three countries. Write its name at the top of the worksheet.

2. Close your eyes. Picture yourself there on an ordinary morning. Not a vacation, a regular Tuesday. You’re walking to get coffee. You’re waiting for the bus. You’re sitting at a small table by an open window. Walk yourself through it for thirty seconds.

3. Open your eyes. Before your conscious mind starts negotiating, write down what your body did. What did your chest do? Your shoulders? Your breath? Your mouth? Your throat? Anywhere else?

4. Don’t analyze. Don’t justify. Just record.

5. Repeat with your second country. Then your third.

6. Sit with what you wrote for a few days. Don’t book a flight. Don’t call your sister. Just let it exist on paper, where you can’t talk yourself out of it.

One important rule

If you don’t feel anything for one of your three countries, that’s also data. Neutral usually means your nervous system hasn’t absorbed enough about that place yet — not enough photos, stories, or conversations — to render a verdict. That’s a country to visit before you decide. Not to write off. Not to commit to. Visit, walk an ordinary block, and feel what shows up when you have actual data to work with.

WORKSHEET 1 OF 3

The country I’m testing today

Close your eyes. Picture yourself in this country on an ordinary morning — not a vacation, just a regular Tuesday. Walk yourself through it for thirty seconds. Then come back and write down what your body did.

Chest / heart

Shoulders

Breath

Mouth

Throat

Anywhere else?

Pull or push?

If the thing I’m trying to leave behind got fixed tomorrow — would I still want to go here?

WORKSHEET 2 OF 3

The country I’m testing today

Close your eyes. Picture yourself in this country on an ordinary morning — not a vacation, just a regular Tuesday. Walk yourself through it for thirty seconds. Then come back and write down what your body did.

Chest / heart

Shoulders

Breath

Mouth

Throat

Anywhere else?

Pull or push?

If the thing I’m trying to leave behind got fixed tomorrow — would I still want to go here?

WORKSHEET 3 OF 3

The country I’m testing today

Close your eyes. Picture yourself in this country on an ordinary morning — not a vacation, just a regular Tuesday. Walk yourself through it for thirty seconds. Then come back and write down what your body did.

Chest / heart

Shoulders

Breath

Mouth

Throat

Anywhere else?

Pull or push?

If the thing I’m trying to leave behind got fixed tomorrow — would I still want to go here?

Now read what you wrote

Lay your three worksheets next to each other. Don’t score them. Don’t add up points. Just look.

One country probably stands out

It will have more YES signals than the others — chest open, shoulders dropped, breath low, almost-smile, throat easy. It might not be the one you expected. It might be the one you’ve been quietly avoiding because you sense, somewhere underneath, that it’s going to ask something of you.

That’s your body’s first answer.

Pay close attention to a clear NO

If one of your three countries gave you a clear NO — tight chest, raised shoulders, shallow breath, tight throat — do not override it because the country looked good on paper. The NO is data. The NO might be the most important signal you’ll ever ignore. Most of us were taught to argue with our own bodies. Stop arguing with yours.

If everything was neutral

If none of the three gave you much of anything, two things might be true. Either you’re still in your head and need to do this exercise again on a different day when you’re less guarded — or your top three aren’t actually your top three. Sometimes the country your body wants is one you haven’t put on the list yet because it seems impractical, expensive, or too far. Try the exercise with that one too. See what shows up.

Before you do anything with what your body told you, there’s one more question. The page that follows is the most important page in this guide.

THE HONESTY CHECK

A Pull Toward, or a Running From?

I have to ask you something difficult. Because your body picking a country isn’t the only piece of this. There’s one more question, and people skip it because it’s the uncomfortable one.

“Is the place you’re being pulled toward actually pulling you — or are you running away from where you are?”

Those aren’t the same thing. And your body can’t always tell the difference, because the body’s “yes” to a beautiful village in France can come from genuine calling, or it can come from “anywhere but here.” Both feel like a yes. They’re not the same yes.

Here’s a way to tell them apart

Sit with this place — the one your body picked. Imagine that the thing you’re trying to leave behind in your current life suddenly got fixed. The job. The relationship. The town. The political climate. Whatever it is. Imagine it gone, resolved, no longer a reason to leave.

Now ask yourself — would you still want to go? Do you still feel pulled there, even with nothing pushing you out?

If the answer is yes

You’re being called. The pull is real. The country is genuinely yours.

If the answer is “I don’t know” or “probably not”

You’re not being called. You’re running. And that’s not a reason not to go. Sometimes running is exactly what a person needs to do. But you should know which one you’re doing, because they end differently. People who are called build a life. People who are running often end up needing to run again — because the thing they were running from was inside them, and it followed them through customs.

I’m not telling you which one you are. I’m telling you that you owe yourself the answer. The country your body picked is real. But the reason you want to go matters as much as the place you want to go to. Because one of those leads to a homecoming. The other one leads to a more expensive version of the same problem.

DOWNLOAD THE BODY COMPASS FREE PDF HERE.

What to do next

The body picks the country. But the body can’t do the rest of this alone. Here’s what comes next — in this order, because the order matters.

Step one — The Country Filter

Once your body has picked, run that country through the practical filter — visa, healthcare, money, the whole reality layer. Your body picks places, not paths. It doesn’t know whether you qualify for the visa. It doesn’t know whether your medication costs four dollars there or four hundred. It doesn’t know whether your retirement income clears the income threshold.

So once your body has spoken, your head still has homework. I made you a free guide that walks you through every question you need to answer.

• → Download The Country Filter…

• Fill-in-yourself version click here.

• Printable PDF click here.

Step two — The Tuesday Test

Once your body’s pick clears the filter, simulate an ordinary Tuesday in that country. Not the vacation version — the boring version. The trip to the pharmacy. The grocery store. The 3pm lull. If you can imagine an ordinary Tuesday there and feel something other than dread, you have your answer. The Tuesday Test is twenty prompts that walk you through it.

→ Download The Tuesday Test here: https://expat-freebies.b-cdn.net/TuesdayTest.pdf

“Body. Filter. Tuesday. In that order. That’s the whole method.”

One last thing

You don’t need more spreadsheets. You don’t need another video. You don’t need permission.

You need to stop ignoring the part of yourself that’s been quietly telling you the answer for years.

Close your eyes tonight. Ask. Then trust what you hear.

Links

• YouTube

• Substack (free weekly newsletter)

• The Over 50 Readiness Check PDF (this article in a pdf version)

• The Tuesday Test PDF

• The 6-Question Country Filter PDF or Fill-In Online Version

• Move Abroad Masterclass

• 1:1 Consulting

This guide is free to share with anyone who needs it. The best thing you can do for me in return is this: when you land, remember that someone else is 90 days behind you right now, sitting on their couch in the US wondering if they’re crazy for considering this. Tell them. That’s how this works.

Share

— Kimberly Anne

Porto, Portugal

A free guide by Kimberly Anne 🦋

A note from me before you start

If you’re reading this, you’re probably thinking about leaving the US. And somewhere in the back of your mind… quieter than the visa questions and the money questions there’s another one: but who will I have there? Anyone?

I want to tell you something I wish someone had told me before I left in 2022.

You don’t have to land abroad and start from zero. Most people do because nobody tells them they don’t have to. But you don’t.

This is a 90-day plan to help you walk off the plane in your new country already knowing names, already in group chats, already invited to things. It’s three months of quiet, steady, low-effort work from your couch in the US that will save you the first six months of loneliness on the other side.

Everything in here is what I would do if I were starting over today.

The truth about making friends at 50+ (that nobody says)

Before the plan, one reframe.

Adult friendships don’t form the way they did in college or in your thirties. They form through repetition and shared activity, not charisma or introductions. The person who shows up at the same yoga class every Tuesday for three months will make friends. The person who goes to a single expat mixer and hopes for magic will not.

Pre-move community building isn’t about meeting people. It’s about building familiarity — so that when you land, the first in-person meeting isn’t meeting. It’s finally meeting.

That’s the whole trick. Here’s how to do it.

Phase 1 — Days 90 to 60: Foundation

Your job this month: join 8–12 online groups tied to your destination city.

The first 30 days are research. You are not trying to make friends yet. You are finding the rooms.

Step 1 — Map your identity across three axes

Write down your answers to these three questions. You’ll use them as search terms.

1. Interests — hobbies, activities, things you do for fun (hiking, ceramics, cooking, yoga, reading, cycling, photography, gardening, dance, martial arts).

2. Values — what matters most to you (environmentalism, LGBTQ+, veganism, spirituality, animal welfare, social justice, writing, creativity).

3. Life stage — what you are right now (solo woman over 50, retired, remote worker, divorced, widowed, parent of adult kids).

Aim for 2–3 items per axis. These are your search terms for everything that comes next.

Step 2 — Join Facebook groups in your destination city

Search combinations like:

• [City] + expats

• [City] + Americans

• [City] + women

• [City] + women over 50

• [City] + [your interest — e.g. hiking, vegan, LGBTQ+, ceramics]

• [City] + [your value]

• [City] + solo travelers

• [Country] + expats + women

Goal: 6–10 FB groups. Some will be noise. You’re filtering.

Step 3 — Create accounts on these platforms

• Meetup.com — find groups in your destination city.

• Internations.org — paid membership, but worth it for real events and real people.

• Bumble BFF — Friendship matching in major cities (but I’m not sure of the age ranges, the ad photos are all of 20 somethings).

• Eventbrite — search in google (eventbrite + your city) for events in your first-month date range.

Step 4 — Lurk, don’t post

For the first two weeks, just read. Figure out which groups are active and which are ghost towns. Which ones have your people. Which ones are full of people you’d never want to meet. Observation is a skill. Use it.

Phase 2 — Days 60 to 30: Engagement

Your job this month: become a recognizable face in 3–4 groups.

This is where the work starts. You’re going to start being a person in these groups — not a ghost, not a lurker, not an American showing up to ask logistical questions.

Step 1 — Introduce yourself, once, well

Pick your 3–4 best groups from the research phase. Write an intro post for each. Keep it short, specific, and useful.

Bad intro:

“Hi everyone! I’m moving to Bangkok in June and I’d love to meet people! Any tips would be appreciated!”

Good intro:

“Hi, I’m Kimberly, moving to Kuala Lumpur in June. Solo woman in my 50s, vegan, big hiker, I work remotely. I’d love to connect with anyone who hikes on weekends or runs in the same circles. Drop me a comment or a message if you do. Happy to return the favor by sharing anything I’ve learned from this side.”

The “good one” works because it:

• Names who you are specifically (age, status, interests)

• Asks for something specific (“weekend hikers”)

• Offers something back

• Invites DMs, not just public replies

Step 2 — Engage in other people’s posts

Don’t just post your own intro. Comment thoughtfully on 2–3 other people’s posts per week in each of your 3–4 groups. Answer questions you can answer. Ask good questions. Be useful.

This is how you become a name people recognize before you land.

Step 3 — Start one-to-one conversations

When someone’s intro or comment resonates with you, send them a DM. Keep it warm and low-pressure:

“Hey — saw your intro in [group]. We overlap on [specific thing]. I’m moving to [city] in [month] and would love to grab a coffee once I’m settled if you’re open to it. No pressure — just thought I’d say hi.”

Do this 5–10 times over the month. Not everyone will respond. That’s fine. You’re looking for the 2–3 people who do.

Step 4 — Keep a short list

Open a simple note: name, how you met them (which group), what you have in common, their response to your DM. By the time you land, you want to have had real conversations with 5–10 people.

Phase 3 — Days 30 to 0: Conversion

Your job this month: turn online connections into concrete plans for after you land.

The final month before you move. This is where online becomes real.

Step 1 — Turn “let’s meet up” into a specific date

Go back to the people you’ve DM’d with. Say something like:

“I land on [specific date]. I’ll need a couple of weeks to get my feet under me, but would you be free for a coffee the week of [specific date, 2–3 weeks after arrival]? If so, tell me your favorite café and I’ll come to you.”

Specificity is the trick. “Let’s get coffee someday” never happens. “Coffee at your favorite café the week of June 15” does.

Aim for 3–5 concrete plans on the calendar before you land.

Step 2 — Register for recurring activities that start within your first month

Pre-enroll in:

• A language class (the single highest-value social environment of your first six months)

• One hobby class — ceramics, cooking, yoga, photography, whatever

• One physical activity with a regular schedule — gym, running club, pickleball, dance

You want at least two things with weekly standing times that start within your first 30 days. Regularity beats novelty. You’re building the scaffolding for the consistency-beats-charisma principle.

Step 3 — RSVP to 2–3 events in your first month

Look at event calendars for:

• Internations.org events in your city

• Your FB groups’ meetups

• Meetup.com

• Eventbrite

• Festivals, markets, or neighborhood events in your first 30 days

RSVP to 2–3 specific ones. Put them on your calendar. Go even if you’re tired.

Step 4 — Prepare your “landing week” script

Know what you’re going to say when someone asks “so what are you doing here?” Keep it short. Long expat origin stories are boring. A good version:

“I’m from [state]. Moved here in [month] for a combination of the pace of life, the weather, and the fact that I could actually afford to live instead of just survive. Still figuring it all out. You?”

Ending with “you?” turns it back into a conversation. Practice saying it out loud. When you’re tired and jet-lagged, you’ll thank yourself.

The first 30 days after you land

The plan doesn’t end when the plane lands. It shifts.

Week 1

Rest. Get oriented. Don’t force social anything. You just did a huge thing.

Week 2

Start attending your pre-registered classes and activities. Go to the first meet-up you RSVP’d to. Don’t try to make friends. Just show up.

Week 3

Have your first coffee meet-up with one of the people you DM’d. Attend your second recurring class. Say yes to one thing that scares you slightly.

Week 4

By now you’ve seen the same people at yoga four times. You’ve had a coffee. You’ve been to one event. You’re not a stranger anymore.

The goal of the first 30 days is not friendship. It’s familiarity. Friendship takes 6–12 months of consistent showing up. You’re laying the foundation.

Common mistakes to avoid

1. Joining 30 groups instead of 3. Depth beats breadth. Pick a few and be a real presence.

2. Only joining American expat groups. Your people may not be your countrymen. Mix values-groups in.

3. Waiting until you land. The 90 days before you move are free. Use them.

4. Treating coffee dates as friendship tests. They’re not. They’re introductions. Friendship comes from the fifth, tenth, fifteenth interaction — not the first.

5. Performing “happy expat” online. Be a real person. Your honesty is what attracts the people you actually want.

What comes next

This guide covers the first 90 days of the community-building piece. It doesn’t cover the visa, the finances, the taxes, the housing, the healthcare, or the timeline for the rest of the move.

If you want the complete framework — everything I wish I’d known before I left — that’s what my Move Abroad Masterclass covers. It’s the full pre-move playbook, structured the same way this guide is.

If you want to keep hearing from me for free, please subscribe below to my FREE weekly Substack.

Subscribe now

It covers the stuff that doesn’t fit on YouTube. The messier, more honest version of what this life actually looks like.

And if you ever want to sit down together and map out your specific situation, I take on a small number of 1:1 consulting clients.

Your next 3 steps

Today. Pick your destination city. If you haven’t narrowed it down, pick your top two contenders and do the plan for both.

This week. Complete the Phase 1 foundation. Map your three axes. Join your 8–12 groups.

Next Sunday. Watch my video “Making Friends in a New Country at 55+” on YouTube. This guide is the behind-the-scenes companion — the video has stories and context this document doesn’t.

Links

• YouTube

• Substack (free weekly newsletter)

• The Over 50 Readiness Check PDF (this article in a pdf version)

• The Tuesday Test PDF

• The 6-Question Country Filter PDF or Fill-In Online Version

• Move Abroad Masterclass

• 1:1 Consulting

This guide is free to share with anyone who needs it. The best thing you can do for me in return is this: when you land, remember that someone else is 90 days behind you right now, sitting on their couch in the US wondering if they’re crazy for considering this. Tell them. That’s how this works.

Share

— Kimberly Anne

Porto, Portugal